Auteur |
Bericht |
child of the other side
Lid Wikenweegschaar
Verdiend:
1066 Sikkels
Woonplaats: somewhere along the way of disposal
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Geplaatst:
Za Mei 03, 2008 9:55 |
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@ 12cho12; "I lock up the memories of You Even though You broke the lock." This is a wonderful sentence! Very nice formulated. The rest of the poem is nice as well. And you can always join the EPC of course. ^^
@ SW *gnagna*; The title sounded very familiar, but you said it wasn't so ... I still think it's sounds very beautiful/cryptic. And perhaps you can't explain the poem but the poem explains itself so it's not longer necessary. I really like this poem because I can understand the subject. And I like the way you mingle with colours.
@ Loesewies; I think you did a wonderful job translating them! My Dutch poems kinda suck so I wouldn't even think of translating them but yours are nice. I think the first one is very pretty, simply for it's simplicity.
The second is very good, because it has strong emotions. I really like the last lines, they form a good ending.
Okay, since I have been active the last few weeks, I will post two poems instead of one. (Actually I do that most of the time … ) Anyway, the first one is one out of two poems; Apocalypse of the mind and Apocalypse of me. But the first poem was much better so I will only post that one.
Apocalypse of the mind
It is a fine frenzy
The hums of a daily life
But who used to see
What we saw
When we grew apart
It is a broken mess here
Not worth to fill a cup
The brain is broken
Eyes closed to forget
That the mind has given up
It is a daring game
The living that filled life
Yet the fireflies cackled
In our night
And said goodbye to time
It is I who forgot
But did not forgive myself
The glass is broken
An emptiness filled
With the words left to delve
The second poem was actually my poem for the EPC of this month (April) but I was kind of lazy so I never posted it. It has nothing to do with my own situation, at least most things haven’t, but all to do with my opinion of modern society.
Parental exercise
Mother, what is happening?
We dance and we laugh and we sing
Our night through the mourning
But forget to pass the beer
I think we surpassed the moment
Of stupidity like a child's
The ground bared his heaviness to me
From an end that is too near
Father, where is your name?
We saw your house burning out
When you rock and rolled the fame
Didn't you know sunrise gave you up?
But life came back to call
Upon our misfortune, I swear
Eat the laugh, drink to the hair
It's you who has to do a job
Mother, do you observe at night?
We tease and we sleaze and we feast
Like there is no tomorrow
But what if we are right? |
_________________ insanity is contagiousAny fear, any memory will do;
and if you've got a heart at all,
someday it will kill you too
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Catie
Chaotic Angel
Verdiend:
0 Sikkels
Woonplaats: The Elysian Fields
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Geplaatst:
Za Mei 03, 2008 21:55 |
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Charlotte::
Ow it's a while you gave that reaction but you asked me about the last two stanzas of a poem. And yes indeed, I think you first have to face your fears or your past eo be able to accept your own mistakes. Without accepting your mistakes you can't grow further in your life because you'll always be stuck on that part. But that's my own thought. And also the second question is a yes, I am having quite a hard time, but I'll try to see the best side of it.
CoToS::
Ah thanks for the compliment and now a reaction on your poems ^^ 1. whoah! I really like it, it has a rhyme in it hasn't it? You choosed your words wisely and even if you have to read it two times it is great! I really love it ^.^ 2. I am not quite sure, it doesn't really appeals me and I don't really like it. It has something strange over it what I don't enjoy. Sorry.
And of course I have some poems for all of you. Also my poem for the EPC of April, the poem that became 3th ^^ I would love some reactions on that one.
-----------------------------------------------
No Title
Years passed since the first time
The first time in the passage
I could scream till my lungs failed
I could cry till my tears dried up
The one moment of truth
The one moment of betrayal
The steps were easily made
And the scars will never fade
Lies and broken smiles
It looked so easy at the beginning
But then again
Mistakes are so easily made
Walking in the dark
Searching for the light
Knowing that going back
Is the easy step
I tell you I learned from my mistakes
Knowing that I will still be lying
And give you the broken smile
Just to calm you
Will I ever learn
To accept my mistakes?
Will ever learn
To live without the broken smiles?
My poem for the EPC of April. It tells about me and how I changed/progressed in the last four years. Untill now the most difficult years of my life. The passage in the first stanza is redirecting to my biggest mistake untill now, for some known and other unknown. It ends with how I think at this moment about the past four years.
---------------------------------------------------
Memories and Friendship
The memories
The memories of laughter
Friendship
Memories
Are bounded
By people
Who care about them
Memories
Not to be forgotten
In this friendship
In this rhythm
Together
We have the world
Together
We care
About those memories
Whoah, this is a happy one ^^ At least, that's the meaning of it XD It's not one of my best poems, but it has something that I enjoy.
--------------------------------------------------
Inside of me
Tears are flowing down
Like a storm that’s raging
Will it ever end?
But that’s just the outside
Ripped apart
Shattered in every way
A broken soul
Will I ever learn to live?
Will I ever smile again?
It seems impossible
My thoughts are dark
My scars are open
And my wounds aren’t healing
I feel like dying
Slow and painful
I am dying inside
This one isn't a happy one. I wrote this at a moment that I could cry till I died. I was at my point of letting everything out and this poem came out of it. It's quite depressing, but at least it helps me to write my feelings down.
Comments, tips are really loved! ^^
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_________________ When will the blood begin to race
The sleeping bud, burst into bloom?
When will the flames, at last, consume us…?
01-2004/31-12-2009, HPF will live on in my heart and soul <333 |
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Sweet Hermione
Opperste Hotemetoot
Verdiend:
20 Sikkels
Woonplaats: With the damned ladies of Orpheus
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Geplaatst:
Ma Mei 05, 2008 23:21 |
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I bet you love big comments. So here we go.
@ Loesewies: 1. Ow, gods, I think I can relate to that one! I think everyone knows those kind of precious moments that you cherish, though you know there won't be more of them again... well not the same kind.. with the same person(s). I really like the poem, I had to read it a few times. I think you could better use no capital letter for ''Lost'' and ''Found'', but maybe that's exactly how you like it. You use capital letters for all your stanza's in this poem, so I think that you meant to use a capital letter... Oh, I'm really into details now or someting, never mind. xD
2. Holy mother, I rrrealy adore this one. It's so... guh, so honest and pure! [And thank you for your comment!]
@ Wobbles: I can send you the song ''Crush'' by Cute Is What We Aim For, maybe you recognize it then? ^^ 1. A Fine Frenzy, cool that you used that in the poem. I like the poem and I really think it's really really deep and philosophical but like always - I don't really understand it... I hope you have an explanation for this poem but I don't think so. xD
I think it's about life but I don't know what kind of aspect of it.
2. This kind of sounds like the movie Jesus Christ Superstar or a gospel song, in some way. ^^ I like the subject (and the fact that you know the subject of your poem!) and I know the Kaiser Chiefs have a song about the same subject... ah well but you're not really into the Kaiser Chiefs.
I wonder what you mean with ''Eat the laugh, drink to the hair''? What do you mean by ''hair''? Do you mean ''heir''? Or is it just very cryptical? I adore the last stanza, it's brilliant and I hope I understand it but I think I still don't. ^^
@ Catie: Maybe it's my sick mind, but I really like the last poem best. xD It's really depressive but it explains your feelings well. Though - I'm critical tonight, really - I think you could leave the line ''It seems impossible'' out of it because it gives more tension if you do. But that's just my opinion. Maybe that line gives a more kind of float in your poem and that's also nice. I also like the last stanza. Dunno. I'm sick, eh? ^^
The first poem is also nice. I think I understand a tiny bit of it, but the essence is unknown for me... but that's kinda natural because I don't know you thàt well [though I was really glad to see you @ the eff <3 <offtopic>].
I'll post this poem in a spoiler-code because I think it's a 15+ poem. There's no special topic in the 15+ board for this, so I'll post it here anyway. I don't really think it's shocking. There's just a lot of sexual aspects in this poem. But you know me - I'm not very clear in my poems so it's not really heavy anyway.
But it's just in case anyone thinks it's too... much.
I hope you like it. I'm satisfied with it (1. the cliché-title, it's kinda Kylie Minogue-like - 2. the ending, especially the twenty-years phrase), though it's not perfect. My ryhme is a bit like I always do, kind of impulsive. The rythem is also not really how I wanted it...
But I just HAD to make this poem.
SPOILERS! | [selecteer] It’s a fever
Lay me to sleep, but give me some time
You know how I crawl and weep
Take my hands and turn me around
My legs are restless and yours
keep telling me you’re diving deep
I cannot really recognize your words
I’ll forgive you every spoilt catch
Your hands slide in my stomach, light
a match and burn me lower
you begin to gasp for air, take me in –
You’re waiting way too long, but
I’m loving contradiction
If you’re strong, I’m there when your
eyes are wide, I’ll bite your skin
knowing it’s unfair if I do win
Don’t let go of my lipstick prints, I know
your eyes are dangerous, the pressure
goes when I turn and smile
Kiss my mouth and stay, while
your fingers are running and moaning –
It won’t be soon before too long, tell me
how you longed to move into me
Put your knees up, embrace your lust
Never stop when love is there, the dust
of twenty years combined is care
We’re coming right
(in this affair) [/selecteer] |
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_________________ I LOVE HPF |
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Loesewies Boterslag
1e jaars
Verdiend:
239 Sikkels
Woonplaats: Inside your eyes
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Geplaatst:
Di Mei 20, 2008 19:39 |
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@ Sweet Hermione: Thanks for your comments xD
You were right about the capital-thing, it looks so much better now.. =)
I'll comment later, bit lazy at the moment.. (sorry )
I made a new poem, originally in Dutch, but I translated it.. So, here it is:
The delusional
Like me, not
today, not here, but always and
everywhere
Purity, the right
size and shape, hand over
on one condition
Live, lie, let it
fly to higher
grounds
Done, crushed,
game over.
Love, Roos. |
_________________ Zal ik mij even voorstellen? - weblog
En de vogels vliegen die kant op dus
daar is waar we gaan |
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Ailey
Lid Wikenweegschaar
Verdiend:
577 Sikkels
Woonplaats: sunlight
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Geplaatst:
Vr Mei 30, 2008 19:10 |
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@Plot; your poem is so beautiful, i really love it. So much feelings and all, it's really perfect.
@Loesewies Boterslag; Wow, very beautiful. I love the last things 'Done, crushed, game over.' - much feelings for me anyway. Well done!
I just made it, i'm not sure if it's great, but i just had to write some feelings down and this is what i got:
Closed
We’ve got one last time
Your breathtaking eyes on mine
We’ll feel so alive
We’ve got one last night
Your sweet scent surrounding me
We’ll let the hours behind
We’ve got one last day
Your look can dazzle me once more
We’ll make it right
We’ve got one last glance
Your answer I’ll never find
We’ll hear our freedom
Together, alone |
_________________
we can do this till the sun comes up
17.04.05 ~ 31.12.08 |
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Loesewies Boterslag
1e jaars
Verdiend:
239 Sikkels
Woonplaats: Inside your eyes
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Geplaatst:
Za Mei 31, 2008 12:23 |
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Here I am with the promised comments:
@ cotos
about Apocalypse of the mind: Very sad, but very beautiful. There are some very powerful sentences in that poem, such as: "It is a broken mess here/Not worth to fill a cup". A strong poem!
about Parental exercise: This one is a little more complex. The image you painted with this poem is beautiful, and quite heavy: "Didn't you know sunrise gave you up?"
@ Catie
about the one without a title: Very heavy, and quite sad. You wrote in simple sentences, with a lot of emotions behind it: "It looked so easy at the beginning/But then again/Mistakes are so easily made"
That is my favorite part of the poem.. it says so much, while it's a pretty simple sentence. Good job!
about Memories and Friendship: Lovely poem, not your best, but a good one. I like the last stanza best.
about Inside of me: this is a heavy one! It's really sad and dark. It's good though that you can use your poems to tone down your feelings.
@ Sweet Hermione
about It's a fever: I love how your description of the extacy is so chaotic and abstract. The subtle rhyming in it is also very good. Refreshing and intense.
@ Ailey
about Closed: A sweet poem, really intense. I especially like the last stanza: "We'll hear our freedom". Good one!
A new poem!! I wrote it last night, at about 3 a.m. I find those hours are the most productive ones.
Addiction
Supremacy, no
space, no breath
My pen is paralyzed, defeated by
every word
the only thing that remains to
be done, is to close the
book
Love, Loesje |
_________________ Zal ik mij even voorstellen? - weblog
En de vogels vliegen die kant op dus
daar is waar we gaan |
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Sweet Hermione
Opperste Hotemetoot
Verdiend:
20 Sikkels
Woonplaats: With the damned ladies of Orpheus
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Geplaatst:
Ma Jun 02, 2008 14:52 |
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Where a cause is, are the effects. And so, this poem tells you something about it. It's also about love and power - who's in charge in a relationship? What do you do with it? What can you really do about it, anyway?
Comments will be posted later.
Last train
I shouldn’t leave you here
You haven’t spoken since
I did
The last train was coming
The silence mastered us
It was a broken sun
that layed down on
us
I laid my hands on you
(Allthough I thought)
Because you told me so
(or not)
We know, you know I did
Oh I’m running over you,
I’m catching your shoulder
And I’m laughing endlessly
Forgive me I don’t cry
I always want to thrill and spin
spinning and shocking
Give me power and enforce
I’ll plaster your mouth ‘till hell
will collide to the horizon
Shut your days and live
for me. |
_________________ I LOVE HPF |
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Loesewies Boterslag
1e jaars
Verdiend:
239 Sikkels
Woonplaats: Inside your eyes
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Geplaatst:
Wo Jun 04, 2008 11:32 |
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@ Sweet Hermione: The last stanza especially is really good. Also, I like the line you started with. It's really simple, but quite strong. Kudos!!!
New poem.. Well, it's not really new, I wrote it a long time ago, after seeing The Beach for the first time. It inspired me to make this poem:
Losing my religion
Oh, how I long for the Beach, and her
paradise ideals. Her perfect perfection,
her heaven-like beauty. Oh, how I long,
how I crave...
Oh, thank the Lord, for I have made
it to the Beach, and her pearl-colored
way of life. From now on, mere happiness
and laughter shall cross my white-sanded
path.
Until it starts to rain...
Love, Loesje. |
_________________ Zal ik mij even voorstellen? - weblog
En de vogels vliegen die kant op dus
daar is waar we gaan |
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Loesewies Boterslag
1e jaars
Verdiend:
239 Sikkels
Woonplaats: Inside your eyes
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Geplaatst:
Zo Jun 08, 2008 7:47 |
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Sorry for the dubble-posting, but since no one else is...
New poem: (Can't think of a title yet)
Everytime I, no
you touch her, I
forget who or
what I'm supposed to be
The tree cut down, the leaves
burnt, the branches are lying, just
like my broken fingers, on the floor
just let me be
Love, Loesje |
_________________ Zal ik mij even voorstellen? - weblog
En de vogels vliegen die kant op dus
daar is waar we gaan |
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child of the other side
Lid Wikenweegschaar
Verdiend:
1066 Sikkels
Woonplaats: somewhere along the way of disposal
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Geplaatst:
Zo Jun 08, 2008 16:26 |
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I'm sorry but at the moment I'm not in the mood for comments so I will give them next time. Promised! (:
This is a trio of poems, written only minutes ago. I won't say they are my best poems ever, far from, but I like some lines, etc.
Sins of the past
The fuel of the drain
Is scarcely lit with hay
Long timbers have been
Longley lit
Upon another one’s day
A woman wove this castle
Out of a woolen bin
Her fingers frailly broken
Wrinkled hide
Covered up from within
A smile forsook the country
Of Hopeless’ time and match
The winner of tomorrow
Is not
An easy one to catch
Sins of the moment
We moped the streets
At three o clock, ‘t was a night
Which will cease to exist
Until the rememberists are alight
The clay formed
A pattern beneath our feet
The circles of a life, drawn out
To leave a sprout of weed
A sinner located the devil
Down Mary Lane they went
Arm in arm, we wept on
Shoulders strong but not gallant
Sins of the future
The sunken sulked their ways
In the concrete world of then
-do we remember, it’s not a question-
The way it used to be
When mother smoked the days?
The lines of abstracts are odd
In a logical kind of way
-or so we presumed, we did, right?-
For when the day was born
The night was certainly not
Still the world kept on growing
Out of it bitter reformed lines
-our fingers crossed in multiply turns-
For we kept the car spilling dry
To keep our own engines blowing |
_________________ insanity is contagiousAny fear, any memory will do;
and if you've got a heart at all,
someday it will kill you too
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Loesewies Boterslag
1e jaars
Verdiend:
239 Sikkels
Woonplaats: Inside your eyes
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Geplaatst:
Vr Jun 13, 2008 10:36 |
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Two new poems!!
First one is about a project at school. Me and my friend had to make and perform a play in one day, about longing. We did, and it rocked!!! The play was only five minutes long, but I felt on top of the world afterwards... I just had to make a poem about it.
The second one is a little weird. I wrote it, but couldn't finish it. It's too dark and sad, but I can't think of an ending yet. Maybe it's supposed to be dark and sad, I don't know..so, I might post the ending later, if I ever think of one...
anyway, here they are:
Craving the future
When the music stopped playing and my
mask fell onto the ground,
I knew
This is what I want to be
no, even more
This is who I am
yes, I know now
Hollow
The dame left
her home so safe
She broke the spell
of her golden cave
A candle she lit
to enlighten the room
For by avoiding darkness
she could escape the doom
But the candle was a fake
as was the flame it held
So darkness came upon her
until it was all she felt
And there she lay
our so-called dame
Writhing on the floor
shivering from the cold and shame
Love, Loesje |
_________________ Zal ik mij even voorstellen? - weblog
En de vogels vliegen die kant op dus
daar is waar we gaan |
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Sweet Hermione
Opperste Hotemetoot
Verdiend:
20 Sikkels
Woonplaats: With the damned ladies of Orpheus
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Geplaatst:
Vr Jun 13, 2008 13:42 |
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Loes: 1. The Delusional: Really nice poem, everything fits. I really like the third stanza: ''Live, lie, let it fly to higher grounds''. I think it's... true.
Ailey: O my God, I think I know exactly what you mean with this poem. I can totally feel you. oO' Good poem.
Loes: Woah, thanks for your comment. And I also make most of my poems in the night/evening. 2. I think the poem is about stop looking at your past, is that correct? I'ts a bit abstract but not réally abstract.
Loes: Thanks, I was also pretty satisfied with it. 3. I saw the movie, it's a nice poem but still... I think you made better ones.
Loes: 4. Nice! oO'
Marlie: 1. The winner of tomorrow /Is not / An easy one to catch That's so beautiful. oO' I also really like the last poem, though I don't understand the hell of it.
Loes: 5. Very clear. ^^ 6. I like that depressed poem, to be honest. ^^
I hàd to make this poem. I wanted to describe the little revolution that's been happening to me. I struggled a long time with the ending of the poem, so I asked some people for advice. Finally someone said that I should let my ''woman'' dive in the water without her clothes. I think that was what I waited for. Still I'm not satisfied with the ending. I like the beginning best - it's exactly what I felt.
Dressing up
‘Help me in my dress today
I have a run to catch’
The zipper’s stuck in my ribs
But my shoes seduce a match
They’re standing there with broken backs
Washing their hands in a wet dream
My shoulders twist, the fabric falls
Covering the failure on my knees
Walking forever down this lane
Their faces can’t be swollen hands
Replaces my wet skin, it’s a day
Judgement and nudity stopped to play
I risked my cloth and will pretend
I hit the lake, their bodies died
My suit stripped down on me
Three meetings of the lips aside
I tear the fabric over my head and
I drown into the water, (the love)
I always longed to be
The naked woman under surface
Kissed the life, security
suits a brilliant love baby |
_________________ I LOVE HPF |
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FelixdeFeniks
Beginnend Tovenaar
Verdiend:
0 Sikkels
Woonplaats: HPF.
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Geplaatst:
Do Jun 19, 2008 17:36 |
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I haven't been here for a lóóng, lóóng time. I'm sorry =(. But now I'm back! [/evil laughter]
I'll just comment on the last five...^^
@Loes (Losing my religion): I like the style you use, it's quite different from your normal style of writing, isn't it? (Yes, I have been reading here xD.) The irony of the title and the ending ("until it starts to rain") is subtle, yet effective. Nice! =)
@Loes (New poem): I réally like the first stanza, it's a very strong opening. I can't say much more about it, I'm afraid. It's good, though =).
@cotos (Hey! Long time no see!^^): Wow, your first poem has some really good lines in it! I especially like "A woman wove this castle/Out of a woollen bin" and "The winner of tomorrow/Is not/An easy one to catch". Very very beautiful, although I can't really figure what the poem is about...
Your second one ends kind of abruptly, I think, as if it needs another stanza. I do very much like "the rememberists are alight", it sounds like a lyric^^.
Hmm, your third one is pretty difficult to grasp. Care to explain it a bit further? I like like like "the sunken sulked their ways", "the lines of abstracts are odd/In a logical kidn of way" and "For we kept the car spilling dry/To keep our own engines blowing", very strong ending =). I also really like the fact you wrote a trio of poems, original!
@Loes (Craving the future, Hollow): The first one is...a little bit too simple, in my eyes. I like it better without the last line, I think. It's very clear and straightforward, though, which is a good thing in my book^^.
The second one - it's not finished, you say? I actually really like the
open ending^^. Especially "For by avoiding darkness/she could escape the doom" is só true. Beautiful =).
@Plot: Wow oO. You've written many beautiful poems, and this is one of them. I realllly like "I have a run to catch", "They're standing there with broken backs", "I risked my cloth and will pretend", "I always longed to be/The naked woman under surface"; in short, I just love the whole poem xDD.
I may have stopped posting for a while, I haven't stopped poem-ing! xD Here are some of my recent attempts at poetry:
The first one I made for a history assignment, for which I wrote 7 poems; they're all based on war poetry from the First World War. (Ignore the title, btw, I'm no good with titles xD.)
Forgotten?
Once, you were the enemy
Though not as honoured you may be
Your resting place, among the graves
Is for the restless and the brave.
Once, you were the enemy
Now lying underneath a tree
Lived hand in hand, your final stand
Who knew you never would be free?
Once, you dreamt of all the world
Before these gruesome scenes unfurled
What makes you less than them? I say
We all died on the field of yesterday.
The next one is just a little (actually, it's quite big oO) love poem I wrote a few minutes ago. It's really way too soft, actually. And I'm not even in love xD.
Your eyes
Your lyrics are like poetry to me
Your eyes, the stars
It would take all eternity
to rob that which is ours.
Your rhymes are like a mystery
Your hands, our fate
If your love is but a plea
Your coming I'll await.
Your words are like a melody
Your glance, a way
If you resolved to flee
I'd still caress today.
Of such beauties there are none
And none that I would ever find
Shadowing the rays of sun
Its wisdom, so refined:
Your name is an "I love you" in a language more than one.
(Your name is an "I love you" in a hundred thousand tongues.) |
_________________ Bedankt, HPF! <3
But you still pull me home. |
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Sweet Hermione
Opperste Hotemetoot
Verdiend:
20 Sikkels
Woonplaats: With the damned ladies of Orpheus
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Geplaatst:
Za Jun 21, 2008 0:15 |
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@ Felix: Thank you for your sweet reply! Yes, I've got a shitload of drama going on so I write a shitload too. ^^
About your poem: ''What makes you less than them? I say
We all died on the field of yesterday.'' That is amazingly beautiful.
I also like your love poem. It's very strange because when I started to read it, it annoyed me but in the end, I thought it was beautiful. You really got feeling for rhyming and fitting words.
This poem is very clear one, in my opinion.
It's in a ''line'' because I had a very small notebook with me. I wrote it down directly and I barely changed something. The moment I saw the scene, I started to write directly. It was pretty intense, yes.
The titel refers to... well, the time my train left. I thought it was the right title - I had no fitting word to name the poem. I hope you like this poem. It's one of my purest poems I think.
12:00
The last step I took
was one closer to you
The last face I touched
was a friendly one
And now your steps
are crossing his
Without a clue
of cruelty
But when I watch
you walk, and his
eyes keep missing
mine
They struck me
deep inside
I have my hands
next to me and I kept
lending them
But I have no
goal, no love,
desire
I must sit down and let
me cry, for it was I
who took you both
I face the rails and it’s
sorry for me,
once again there is
not what we
need. |
_________________ I LOVE HPF |
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child of the other side
Lid Wikenweegschaar
Verdiend:
1066 Sikkels
Woonplaats: somewhere along the way of disposal
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Geplaatst:
Za Jun 21, 2008 11:06 |
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Comments!
@Loesewies; I'm glad your play went well! =D
1. It's very short but it's clear. Your feeling is well expressed in this poem. It also makes me happy; as if I stand still for a moment to think about who I am.
2. Perhaps you couldn't finish it because you're not used to writing sad poems? I think it the change between stanza 3 and 4 is a bit abrupt. Perhaps you could add another stanza between those two. Don't know if that makes the poem better, though. :") I don't think it's a bad poem, but I do prefer the previous one.
@GiantPantscake; I already told you; I absolutely ADORE this poem. It's extremely good. You tried to explain me but I'm still puzzling a bit. XD Not a problem, I will just forget about the subject and adore the lines, like I do with my own poems. :") I can understand your struggle with the end, cause it is not as good as the beginning, but somehow it fits with the poem. So don't worry too much.
@FelixdeFeniks; Thanks for your replies.
About the third poem; just as the previous ones it's about he sins of humanity. (I will do my best to explain the subject of my poem but most of the time I just write without a clear idea and make up the subject after I'm done. :") Hence, your confusion.) Anyway, it's mostly about pollution the world keeps growing, we keep driving the car even though we know it is bad and "concrete world" stands for skyscrapers and such. Blablabla.
1. But I like titles *whines* XD. I really love the ending! It's sad but fitting. The poem itself is very clear, which is good for a war poem I think. Don't want to get confusions.
2. I think I prefer the first one, but I'm not really a love-poem type though it's certainly a nice poem. The second stanza is the best. I love how it rhymes.
@Lot, again; I like the simplicity of this poem. I like the oddness, that such a thing could have happened, it's almost movie like. The poem is very fitting, well done. (:
My first poem is about child abuse. I really love the title of the poem and I've written numerous poems for it but none fitted. In the end I just pasted it above this one. (:
The second poem is about suicide. The "leading character" sees how her friend ends up in the gutter, but doesn't know how to help her.
(Happiness all over XD)
Roof-topped houses
What is a cherished feeling?
- A lone and cruel device
But participating in life’s game
It seems a worthy sacrifice
In the mirror’s endless reflection
Houses an angry red
The mouse tripped down the stairs
A foolish trinket of my bet
What is a peaceful living?
- A silent wish of faith
We gave up believing long ago
It’s Jesus who has to wait
Broken dreams and teddy bears
Giving comfort in the night
Our elders forsake their duties
To spend some time in fight
What is a call of remorse?
- A mouth that lost its ways
Stitched back it watches hours
Turn into many days
Crime watch
I have these visions from within
A grasp of something else
It is hard to depict
This bird on your face
Due the mud you are smothering in
The newspaper wipes out our kind
With telltale lines and captions
A blocked view cannot control
Those who blocked it from
The reasonable parallels of the human mind
I have these visions from within
Though were from I cannot tell
It is hard to comprehend
Another one’s dread of forfeit
But it does invites sorrow in |
_________________ insanity is contagiousAny fear, any memory will do;
and if you've got a heart at all,
someday it will kill you too
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