Halloween FINISHED

Mrs Jessica Black

And once again I return with a story. I have been working on this in a total of 2 years, again and again not finishing it in time to post it on the planned date.
But now it is finished and I'm posting it in time. Today the first part and tomorrow, on the actual Halloween date I will post the second and final part.

Thank you for reading in advance

~ Halloween ~

- 30 October 1981 -

Peter unwrapped one of the sweets and put it in his mouth. He had already prepared some things for tomorrow night. It would not be until thirty hours that the kids would start ringing the bell, yet the bowl with candy and lollypops had been standing there for a while now.

The square living room did not have much furniture. There was a wooden table and some chairs at the window in the back. One wall occupied a few mismatched closets and in the middle of the room stood the leather couch he was sitting on, along with a matching chair and a low coffee table. The walls were painted white with no decorations but a clock and a calendar.
He threw the empty wrapper towards the bin in the corner but missed by quite some inches. He sighed and stood up, then walked over to the wrapper, bend to pick it up and put it in the bin properly. He looked at his hand as he did and kept looking at it as he sat down on the sofa with a sigh. The index finger of his right hand had a weird angle to it. It reminded him all too well of the night two Death Eaters had approached him. It had almost been a year ago, but it felt as though it had been yesterday.

It had been on a Friday in November, close to midnight. He had come from a visit at Remus’ and would have Aparated home right away if it had not just lightly started to snow. He had decided to go for a little walk first. It had been in those crucial minutes that changed everything. Two tall, cloaked figures had dragged him into a dodgy pub and had forced him to sit down at a small table in a dark corner in the back. They had tried to force information out of him, convinced he was in direct contact with the Potters and Dumbledore and some secret rebellion they had founded. He, Peter, had been scared, but had kept quiet.
He kept this silence up for a few minutes, until one of the Death Eaters, by the name Dolohov had grabbed his hand.
“You going to talk or what?!”
By this time Peter had been shaking and sweating but had said in panic he didn’t know anything. This didn’t please Dolohov and he had broken Peter’s index finger with the tiniest efford. The pain had been so excruciating, that when the Death Eater grabbed his middle finger, grinning insanely, Peter had screamed out to stop. Pain had always been his weakness… If he told them some tiny details… Dumbledore needed never to know…
But soon he had found out it was more than a few tiny details they wanted and before he knew it, he had the Dark Mark burned on his wrist, working in full service as the Dark Lord’s spy.
All year facing the Order had been a struggle, looking into the eyes of Dumbledore or his friends had been with pain. ‘You’re a coward!’ He would say to himself everyday. And some part of him believed it. His friends had often enough made jokes at school about how he possibly could have been sorted into Gryffindor. They had always meant it as a joke, but to Peter it had become a question unanswered for many years. Never in his whole life had he done anything heroic. Never had he shown real guts. It had made him feel like a real coward. But since last year there had been a second voice, ever since the encounter with those two Death Eaters.
Was leaking through information not an act of bravery too? Did fooling Dumbledore himself, with a mask of cheer dumbness, take not a lot of guts? Until now he had been the only one to do this. And the Dark Lord kept asking. Kept pushing for information. He was needed. He was not a side kick in this one. Whenever Peter would make a joke, James would say something funnier. Whenever he liked a girl, he would find out she had already been involved with Sirius. Whenever a potion in class would have succeeded, Lily had achieved to make hers perfect. And whenever anyone confided in him, it was Remus that came with a solution. Always had he been the less funny one. The less charming one. The less bright one. The one that could listen… but not come up with an answer… But not this time. In this position no one could outsmart him. He was actually on top. He did important things and other’s actions relied on his information. He was just waiting for that extra bit of information. That crucial ingredient that would be so important, it would kill his fear and make him extraordinarily important. Something that would change things forever. Make him powerful…
Yet, the love he felt for his friends tried to stop him and it was actual fear that really pushed him, instead of the feeling of supremacy. Even though he did an important job for the largest growing power of this time, his fear kept pushing him to the bottom. And yet he was okay with it. Was it foolish to think he could be important? Was it unrealistic to believe he was needed? Would he really be at the top?... He decided he did not really care…
Besides… The higher you stand, the deeper you can fall…

*

Lily sat at the dark, wooden table, leaning her head relaxed on her hand. Next to her, in a high baby chair sat Harry, hopping up and down in joy.
“It looks like your daddy’s hair…” Lily said, observing with amusement how Harry randomly moved his crayon over a piece of paper, leaving a trace of tangled black lines.
“I heard that.” James’ voice sounded in her ear, while she felt two gentle arms being wrapped around her waist.
She laughed pleasantly. James buried his face in her curly hair.
Even though the smell of it was so familiar, he loved it every time it reached his senses.
The setting sun cast a warm, orange glow into the cottage and even though it was cold outside, the room was filled with the warmth radiating from the crackling fire in the crate.
“Want tea?” James asked, never removing his face out of the red mass that was Lily’s hair.
“Yes, please.” She said, gently pressing a kiss on his cheek before James straightened up again.
He let go of her and made his way to the kitchen. At that moment Harry dropped his crayon to the floor. Lily bent under the table and reached to pick it up. When she appeared above the table again, Harry greeted her with a big yawn. Lily smiled lovingly at him and put the crayon back. She looked at the clock.
“Oh my, it’s waaay beyond your bed time, young man. No wonder you’re tired…” she said sweetly, while lifting the one-year-old out of the chair and cradled him in her arms. Harry put a pair of little fingers in his mouth and lazily rested his head on his mother’s shoulder. She walked into the kitchen and towards James.
“Give your daddy a kiss.” She said, lifting the infant at eye sight for James.
James turned his head and kissed Harry on the forehead.
“Nighty night, my little knight! And as Sirius would say, don’t let the bedbugs crawl up your- hiny and eat you from the inside.”
“Stop saying that! Once he will start remembering that and then it’s going be your fault when he doesn’t dare sleep alone.” Lily said, making her way out of the kitchen.
“Sirius’ fault you mean!” James yelled in amusement after her.
“Both of you!” she said accusingly while ascending the stairs.
Once she got upstairs, she went into Harry’s room. There she gently tucked him in, softly singing a lullaby. When she had kissed him good night, she turned on the music mobile and quietly left the room.
She entered the living room and found James already on the sofa, two steaming cups of tea on the salon table. She sat down next to him and huddled up to him.

*

The lights from the houses in Derby reflected on the nightly clouds that hung above it, giving the village a weird glow. Sirius looked at the dark specks that were parents, decorating the last bits of their houses for Halloween tomorrow.
Sirius loved Halloween. Back at school the whole castle would be magnificently decorated and the food would be better than ever. But these last few years, he would normally be home, loading the children that rang his bell with a certain amount of candy their mothers would frown upon. But it pleased the kids and made them come back every year, so Sirius did not really care about the mothers. The thought of it made a hint of amusement flicker over his face. Even for adults Halloween held certain pleasure. After the kids had long gone home, he would go to a pub, drink a little too much, get flirty with the waitress and end up most likely waking up next to her.
But it was not the thought of waking up alone this year that made the smile fade from his face. It was his concern about the Muggle kids that would be running outside within twenty-four hours. For years there had been a war going on and they had no clue. They did not know that these outdoor festivities were a killing funfair for Voldemort and his supporters. Worried parents would not know where their disappeared children were… not until the Police informed them the next morning; telling them that they had found their child dead, by an unexplainable cause. None of them knew that on that same day the Wizarding papers would be filled with the disappearances and deaths of these kids, caused by curses that make your skin crawl.
As Sirius turned his back to the window, he hoped all those kids would get home safely tomorrow. How he wished to get out there, just to make sure they would have someone defending them if it went wrong… But he had sworn he would not leave this place unless it was a huge emergency. So as long as there would be no sounds of panic from the village, he would be a good dog and stay put.
He let himself fall back into the sofa again.
The place he was staying was the house of his late Order colleague, Marlene McKinnon. She and her family got murdered by Death Eaters only three months ago. The dead body of Marlene, that was found days later, had left a gloomy hole in the Order. Using her house as a hiding place for Sirius was in their eyes a noble and last tribute to Marlene’s bravery.
On the outside they had made the house look like it was burned down, so no one would suspect anyone resided the place. It was like hiding a key in a place you would never find it back yourself.
Sirius conjured himself a mug of butter beer and let his mind wander. He thought about the Invisibility Cloak James owned. If he could only have it with him now, he could go outside for a bit. A moment past in which he desired to get over to Godric’s Hollow, though not to get his hands on the cloak. Even though he was hiding for the safety of his friends, he missed them very much. The last time he had seen them was a week ago, when they performed the Fidelius Charm, locking the secret of their location in Sirius’ soul. Normally they would contact each other daily, make sure everyone was safe, say hi to the ever smiling Harry… But he had not talked to them ever since. Would he risk it and go see them? Only for a little while… But he could already imagine Dumbledore complaining about him being rash and putting everyone’s safety at stake, so he banned the thought from his mind.
A few minutes past. In silence he drank from his mug, never taking his eyes of the silhouette of the village ahead. Just in case…

*

A chilly autumn wind swept by. Remus wrapped his scarf around his neck a little tighter. His fringe kept blowing into his eyes, so he did yet another fruitless attempt to brush it backwards with his hand.
‘I need to go to the barber…’ he thought absentmindedly, looking at the setting sun on the horizon.
He was walking over the beach, a place he always liked to go when his head was bothered by things. They could be small things… irrelevant things… but all the same; they were things and some things had to be swept by the ocean air from time to time. His footprints marked the sand just a few meters from the waterline. Where the sand was wet enough to walk easily on, though not soggy enough to suck your shoes in.
He was not the only one who decided to join the British shore. Couples holding hands, families with frolicking dogs and loners like himself left their footprints behind. Every now and then a seagull would swoop by, being brought out of balance by the unpredictable wind but steadying itself again to continue its search for fish.
A beach pavilion came into view and Remus changed course. He dragged his feet through the mouldy sand. He got to the wooded stairs and started climbing it. When he opened the door of the pavilion, a salty yet warm waft of air welcomed him in. He ordered a hot chocolate at the bar and sat down at a table near the window. He unwrapped the scarf from his neck and hung it over the chair, along with his long coat. The warmth of the mug heated up his hands around it.
The view was great from up here. Clouds obscured the sky but the sun could still be seen, its crown still peaking over the edge of the world. It coloured the clouds orange and pink. A beautiful sight to end the day with, Remus always thought. But right now his thoughts were on something completely different. They were on the Order.
It had been weeks since he had spoken to any of the members. Even his friends he had not talked to for weeks. Of course this had not happened out of lack of interest. Nor out of fear to get on the enemy’s death list… It had been because of a selfish desire for participation.
In the third week of September Dumbledore had set up a mission to invade one of the most used meeting places of rebellious groups supporting Voldemort´s believes. Those groups were too bloodthirsty to stay low, but did not have the guts to join Voldemort´s Death Eaters. For them this was just an excuse to cause mayhem. But they were clumsy and careless and so an easy target for the Ministry. But also for Voldemort´s faithful servants, who saw their cowardice attempts of rebellion as ‘bad publicity’. So the Order of the Phoenix secretly cooperated with the members that were officially working for the Ministry; Shacklebolt and Dearborn. Making sure they got to them before Voldemort´s men did. Most of the time the culprits ended up in jail for a few weeks or more, but everything was better than being tortured and killed by a conscienceless Death Eater and end up being found dead in the gutter.
At the Order’s headquarters there would be weekly lists with all the member’s names on it, showing on what mission you would be on that week. Both Frank and Alice had been on the list for the invasion. So was Sirius. Remus had checked the list at least four times, but his name was not on it. He had walked up to Dumbledore, who had promised Remus would be in the next mission along with his friends and asked why his name was missing.
Dumbledore apparently had kept an eye on the moon charts and as it had barely been a week after the full moon, he had believed Remus not to be ‘fit’ enough for the job. Remus had found this unfair as he had only felt weak for a few days. His condition was always a touchy subject for him, as it limited his life to the thinnest chance of getting jobs, making friends… being seen as a person instead of a beast. But even when Sirius had tried to make Dumbledore change his mind, Dumbledore had kept to his decision. Remus had left the building hurt and angry; yelling that if they needed him, they knew where to find him.
But none of the members had contacted him ever since. This had made him even angrier at first. But as the moon grew thin, so did his anger. He realised that they waited for him to let them know when he would be ready again. Patiently anticipating his return. And of course he realised that his friends had more important things to do than talk to someone who only got angry when he did not get what he wanted.
He never really figured out what had made him so upset that day. Multiple times Dumbledore had selflessly thought about Remus, making sure none of the missions would bring his or other’s lives in danger.
Maybe it had been the moon that still had a grip on him that week… Maybe it was the thought of not being able to spend as much time with his friends as he would love to… Maybe it was the fact that he missed James and Lily very much. And maybe it was just the combination of these three that made the fact he could not join so unbearable.
More than a month had passed now. Another full moon had come and gone and still Remus felt too ashamed to contact any of them. He could not think of any excuse that would justify his childish behaviour. And so time had passed and here he was. For the millionth time trying to find the right words to apologise.
He drank the last bit of his hot coco from his mug, letting the thick cacao layer at the bottom lazily slip onto his tongue. He would go see Dumbledore tomorrow, he thought as he stood up and put his coat and scarf back on.
‘I will apologise and let him know this will never happen again’ he promised himself as he opened the door and stepped out into the autumn night. He would apologise and spend Halloween, like every year, with his friends.

Mrs Jessica Black

- 31 October 1981 -

Sirius woke up sweating. A nightmare had disturbed his last few minutes of sleep. And as his eyes grew accustomed to the light coming from the window, his heart slowly got back to beating in a steady rhythm. He stared at the ceiling of Marlene’s bedroom, for a second thinking, maybe wishing it was his own. He closed his eyes again.
The nightmare had been of familiar things. Flashes of nightmares he used to have as a child and flashes of nightmares he still had at his adult age. Most of those flashes visualised being locked up in too small cellars, being tortured, screaming but not being heard, waking up in strange places, not being able to find his way back… All these things always made him feel foolish once he woke up. To all those things he feared at night, he would have a simple solution for if it were to happen during the day.
He cast the images away like he did every time, telling himself not to be such a baby at night.
He lay there for a couple of more minutes. Then he lifted himself out of the bed and went to the bathroom to wash himself. Normally he would have taken a shower, but here he did not have that luxury. Because of the external state of the house, all water supplies had been cut off and he had to do with a big water basin he had filled before he moved in. Eventually he had to get out to get new water, but as long as it was not necessary, he was not going to risk his neck by going outside.
He spent the rest of his time in the bathroom with shaving and doing his hair, absentmindedly wondering what he was doing it for. When he got dressed, an unexpected pain shot through his ankle, suddenly reminding him of something that had happened the day he went into hiding.

It had been a week ago. He, Sirius, had gone back to his own place to fetch some stuff he really needed with him. When he had stepped outside to get back to Derby as quickly as possible, a cloaked Wizard had come out of nowhere and had hit him with a disarming spell. While holding him at wand shot he started commanding information about the Potter’s and their hide out. Sirius had been quick enough to snatch his wand back from the ground and he got entwined in a fierce duel. He had felt stupid for leaving his hide out because the fact that he was James Potter’s best friend was known for all who wanted to know. And if anyone would know anything, it would be him. Of course he knew they had been after him ever since things got nasty. He didn’t have the best reputation. He had turned his back on a family that was highly favoured by Voldemort, making a fair amount of enemies right at Voldemort´s side. And the fact he was a Pure-Blood did not make it any better as it was even worse if those turned out to be ‘blood traitors’. Multiple times he had had masked Death Eaters sent after him, but most of the time he could have fought them off or Disapparated just in time. His apartment had been secured enough to keep the bad guys out too, but outside it was a whole other story. Living in central London, he had to share the building with Muggles. And making a whole flat invisible would have been impossible.
The guy that was sent this time had simply waited in the courtyard of the flat; anticipating for Sirius to come out of his apartment. The dual had been rather tough.
While dodging a nasty Incidere Curse, Sirius had strained his ankle badly. It slowed him down but luckily, at some point in the duel, his opponent didn’t pay attention for a split second. Sirius had seen the chance of kicking him hard to the ground and throwing his wand over the rail of the flat’s courtyard. Right after that, he had Disapparated back to Derby.
Sirius always found that blood-pride Wizards, who were always depending on their magic, most of the time, underestimated the power of physical force. Which, in these kinds of battles, came as Sirius’ advantage. But he admitted he had just been lucky and that he could not afford to let it happen again.

Sirius supported his weight on his good ankle and pulled his jumper over his head, thinking about what could have happened if the guy had found a way to catch him. Would he be in that cellar he had had nightmares about his whole life right now? Would he have been tortured? Would they have made him scream, making sure no one could have heard him? These were all questions he liked to be unanswered. And still it kept nagging in the back of his head. What if?...
People, not careful enough, had been taken by Voldemort´s followers. They had been tortured and eventually killed for not sharing what they knew. Sometimes they did not even know anything. A sudden thought crossed his mind, but it was gone before he could grasp it.
Sirius imagined them force-feeding him nasty reeking potions, making him crawl on the floor in pain… Or letting him starve… Cruciatus Curses that held him in agonising grips for minutes… Witness how they break every bone in your body just to get what you possess… Strangely enough this did not scare him at all. Nothing that they could do would make him talk. It was not even an option. James’ and Lily’s whereabouts were in him and they would never get it out. If he could, he would even hide it so deep, that he himself had to dig deep to remember where they were. The thought from earlier flashed by again but this time Sirius was quick enough to grab hold of it… Could he hide it even deeper?
Was there a possibility he could put this knowledge in a Pensieve and hide it? Put it somewhere away from his body, so that he did not only hold the key to their whereabouts, but also the key to the knowledge of it.

Sirius made himself a shabby breakfast and ate it in silence. He made tea and drank it in silence. Half an hour past, but he could not shake the thought from his mind.
‘There should be a way…’ he thought to himself. ‘Would it not be brilliant, if they would chase me for decades? Then, maybe one day catch me… Do anything they can think of to force the information out of me, only to find out it’s not in me at all?’ he grinned.
The grin almost held a certain amusement.
‘A Pensieve would be too easy to be found.’ he thought. ‘It could even be found before they caught me.’
The idea was nice, but it was less safe instead of safer then the Fidelius Charm. He thought if it was even possible. But his mind came to rest on the idea it was in some way possible. Not a Pensieve. Not a vault. Put it somewhere else. He was thinking how he would be able to move a Fidelius Charm. It was very complicated and was actually made to be immovable. He had to replace it. Put it somewhere else.
“Someone else!” he came to realise aloud.
His mind started racing. It was possible. Set up a decoy. He would turn himself into a living target that held no bull’s-eye.
The plan excited him. He was just about to Apparate, when he changed his mind. If Apparation tracking was already possible for the nitwits working at the Ministry, he figured it was not a wise idea to travel through Apparation. Instead, he rushed to the hallway and grabbed his cloak. Then he hurried across the living room into the kitchen, where he had stalled his motorbike. He rode it outside through the backdoor, into the garden that was also protected by the concealing spell. He would fly high. Above the clouds so he could not be seen from down here. Rarely was he so relieved to see it was cloudy.
He pulled out his wand, thought of the message he was about to deliver and said; “Expecto Patronum!”
Out of the tip of his wand came a ghostly figure of majestic lion. It shook it’s massive head, making the ghostly manes swirl like grass in a gentle and silent spring breeze. The Patronus made a silent roar, in position to speed away. Sirius gave it an order to head off to Godric’s Hollow.
“Make haste.” he added, as he saw the Patronus speed off. He himself climbed onto his bike and kicked the engine to life. Immediately, as fast as he could he dived upwards. It became colder and colder and as he hit through the clouds, the water seeping through his clothes did not make it any warmer. The cold wind made the water feel like little razors, cutting him everywhere possible. But he did not care. Neither physical sense nor boundary could bring him off course these days. So he sped away, Godric’s Hollow being his next stop.

*

Peter woke up with a headache. He looked at his clock and noticed that he once again had slept longer than he had planned. It took him a long hour to shower, get dressed and have some breakfast.
When he was fussing over his burned toast, his eyes got drawn by the photograph of his parents hanging above the sink. He had not visited them in a long time.
So while realising nothing would be open today and the Order nor the Dark Lord had anything pre-planned, he decided this was a good day to go visit his parents.
After eating his breakfast he got back upstairs and rummaged through some trunks, trying to find his Halloween mask.
When he found it, he decided he would ring the bell at his parental house while wearing his mask. His mother would have half a heart attack. This thought rather amused him and so he put the mask in a bag and made himself ready for departure.

*

“James! Come here! Quick!”
A silvery lion had just burst out of the wall and had come to a halt in the living room. Lily had jumped off the couch in panicky reflex. She heard hurried footsteps coming from the back room.
“It’s Sirius’ Patronus!”
James appeared around the corner just in time to hear the message it sent off.
“I’ve got an important matter to discuss. I’ll be there within an hour.”
Lily looked over to James as the Patronus repeated its message and then dissolved into thin smoke. For a moment there was a silence in which they only looked at each other.
“Do you think something’s wrong?” Lily asked James with a rather concerned note in her voice.
James looked at the old clock on the wall.
“I guess we’ll find out within an hour. Not much we can do but wait, I’m afraid…” James replied, trying to sound calm.
If there was anything he could do in their position, it was to comfort Lily in any discomfort they could be in. So he would stay calm. Even though most hurried messages bared bad omens. And even though the chance Sirius came with the news hiding was no longer necessary was of about one percent, he would stay calm. He gave Lily a soothing smile and disappeared back into the back room.

*

Sirius looked down and saw the top of the church peeking out of the flimsy mist below. He lowered his bike towards the graveyard behind the church and landed on the deserted lawn next to it. Then he parked it out of sight between some trees and shrubberies.
Even though the Sneakoscope in his pocked stayed unmoved, any precaution was called for. So he continued his way to Potter Cottage by foot, taking a detour through narrow alleys, sometimes cutting across some gardens. Every once in a while he would glance around, making sure he was not being followed or ambushed.
When he knew he was close to Potter Cottage he decided it would be wise to try and not be recognised as he would draw near. So he stopped walking and hid behind an ivy-covered shed. There he transformed into a dog. He carefully looked around the wall and when he decided the coast was clear, he crossed the street. Within a few seconds he was on the Potter’s property. He stayed close to the wall, following it around two corners into the backyard. There he transformed back and grabbed his wand. He unlocked the door and entered. Once inside, he closed the door again.

*

They heard something in the kitchen. James immediately jumped up, hurrying off to where the noise had come from.
“James! Careful- ” Lily said after him, quickly standing up too.
But her attempt to keep James cautious at all times, did not effect James. ‘Who else could it be, anyway?’ he thought to himself as he entered the kitchen himself and indeed found the person he expected on the doormat.
“Hi” Sirius said, tossing his cloak onto the dresser.
James smiled friendly, hurried over to Sirius and gave him a strong, brotherly hug.
“Hi. Good to see you. How have you been?” he let go and took a step backwards to give Sirius some space.
“Fine. Just fine…” Sirius replied, moving his hand through his hair.
“Why are you here?” It was Lily that spoke as she also arrived into view but staying in the doorway.
Sirius looked at her over James’ shoulder.
“Yeah, it’s good to see you too.” Sirius replied.
Lily sighed, looking rather shaken, holding Harry in her arms. Sirius walked over to them and stroked Harry over the head.
“Your mother needs some more sleep, don’t you think, Harry?” he said to the child.
But Lily moved Harry away from Sirius.
“I’m serious. What is this important matter you have to discuss with us?” Lily said, looking at Sirius with concern in her gaze.
“You had her pretty worried with your Patronus, Sirius.” James said, backing up for Lily’s distant behaviour. He led them to the living room.
“Just me?” Lily said, sitting down, rocking Harry soothingly.
“No, not just you…” James said to Lily, also taking place on the sofa. Then he turned to Sirius.
“I got pretty anxious too... What’s on your mind?”
Sirius sat down too, but in a chair opposite his friends. It stayed quiet for a while. Then he started to speak.
“I’ve had pretty much time to think things over this past week... Considering the consequences of what we did with the Fidelius Charm… The risks... The dangers… But also the options.” He leaned forwards. “I think we can make it stronger.”
Lily frowned a little. James sat listening intently.
“What do you mean?” James asked.
“The thing is,” Sirius continued, “I got attacked last week. Of course I could shake him off-“ he said to his friend’s sudden shocked faces. “But there’s my point. Mocking them not by only getting away, but also with fooling them with what they think you know. You see, the spell- the Fidelius Charm- is as good as perfect.” Sirius continued, “It is leak-free and only to be broken if deliberately shared with a second. Absolutely brilliant and flawless. But the plan… There must be a way for the spell to be made more sufficient by setting up a more complicated plan. Hiding the knowledge is one. But hiding the source…”
“What exactly are you saying…?” James asked rather curiously.
“I’m saying, that by hiding the actual key to the knowledge it will simply be impossible to be traced, let alone be found. I’m thinking about a decoy.”
“You mean a false trail…?” Lily replied. “But that’s impossible. Being James’ best friend makes all leads end up with you anyway.”
“Exactly!” Sirius replied back. “They expect their trails to end here.” he pressed his hands against his chest. “But what if it lies beyond that point?”
“But the purpose of the Fidelius Charm is to hide something in someone’s soul. It can not possibly be placed somewhere outside your soul.” James said, thinking over Sirius’ words.
“Not outside the soul. But it can be placed outside my] soul.”
“You mean-”
“Yes. We can place it in someone else. Someone we can trust and can be protected till every extent.”
“Even with every protection possible, that person would still be in danger.” Lily argued.
Sirius turned to her; “Not if everyone thinks I’m the Secret Keeper. I will stay in hiding, pop up every once in a while... Make people believe I have what they want. Yes, I will know the whereabouts of the new Secret Keeper… but not know where you are…”
This cast a bit of a gloomy look over Sirius. But his mind contradicted his feelings; ‘Everything for your friends.’
“And if I don’t know… no one ever will.” he finished.

It was quiet for a while; everybody thinking over what just had been said.
Lily put Harry down. The child found support on the salon table and manoeuvred his way towards where Sirius was sitting. He grabbed Sirius’ hand and started playing with his fingers. Sirius smiled at the sight of it. Then he looked up at James and Lily again.
“I would not be able to visit you again…” as he said this a certain sadness fell over his feature again, “but the thought that you’d be even safer makes up for it.”
For the first time since Sirius entered the house, Lily smiled at him. She just could not think of a way to actually show her gratitude to all the effort he put into this. Looking at how Harry enjoyed his company, she for the millionth time wished for this war to end. To be able to share a normal, unthreatened life with the ones they loved. Not having to rely on their friends when it came to staying alive.
These same thoughts crossed James’ mind too, but went deeper. For so many years he had trusted his best friend over everything. And even though with occasional minor flaws, nothing concerning his trust ever really went wrong. Sometimes chaos in some one’s mind could lead to brilliant ideas. And this could be one of them.
“Who did you have in mind?” James finally said, giving Sirius green light to plan it out.
“Well,” Sirius started, picking Harry up and putting him on his lap. “Obviously, on my way here I thought of everyone in the Order possible. In the end there are two options I guess-”
Sirius laughed, trying to stop Harry from poking his eye out.
“Either be Dumbledore or Peter.” he then said.
James considered this for a moment.
“Any reason why they would be the only ones?” he asked.
“Yeah, shouldn’t we consider Remus too?” Lily added, brushing her hair behind her ear.
Sirius shook his head rather sadly.
“You know that Dumbledore was convinced there was a leak near you two. And I’m not saying that he is a spy, but if he accidentally maybe dropped a bit too much information, deliberately or not, he’s not doing much effort putting it right again. Last time we saw him, he acted all strangely and agitated. That’s been two months ago and we haven’t seen him ever since. It would be too much of a risk.”
Lily nodded, agreeing, but feeling sad over the fact that trust was wearing so thin.
“And about the others,” Sirius continued, “yes, they made their pledge and we know their names and occupations outside the Order, but we have no reason at all to trust them over our closest friends. And so only Dumbledore and Peter would be logical consideration.”
James shook his head.
“Dumbledore we have to pass too. If we want it to work, he would have to go in hiding, but the Order can’t possibly function without him. And there’s my second point… If he was not to go into hiding, he might as well be found before they find you. He is already a living target. Actually, he’s their number one target… And third, it would look weird. He already offered himself to be our secret Keeper, but I insisted on you.”
This remark made a jolt of warmth shoot through Sirius’ body. He was happy he decided to come to Godric’s Hollow.
“That only leaves Peter.” Sirius said. “He is very easy to stay low and he’ll be happy to be able to do something for you. He has been wining my ears off that Dumbledore favours others over him for missions, begging me to share at least some of my projects.”
He looked from James to Lily and back.
“So, if Peter agrees on this… we’re gonna do it?”
James nodded determinately. Sirius turned back to Lily.
“Lily? You in on this?”
Lily looked at him. Then for a few seconds rested her eyes on her baby boy in his lap. Anything that guaranteed her Harry’s safety sounded like music to her. And so she also gave her approving nod.
“Dumbledore is completely staying out of it. Promise.” Sirius said. “The less people know, the better.”

*

Peter grabbed his keys from the table and put them in his pocket. As he put on his gloves, he thought he heard something. For a few seconds he ceased his fidgeting, listening carefully. But there was no sound out of the ordinary. He shrugged and pulled his other glove over his hand. Then he heard it very clearly.
“Peter, are you there?”
It was coming from the other side of the door. He opened it and re-entered his living room. Even though it was broad daylight, the flames shooting from the fireplace coloured half the room bright green. Peter hurried over to it and dropped down in front of it; coming face to face with Sirius.
“I’m here.” Peter said, “You’re lucky I was still here. I was just about to leave.”
“Is it something important?” Sirius asked rather hastily.
“Well, I was about to visit my parents…” Peter replied, rather keen on sticking to holiday traditions.
“Hm,” Sirius replied. “Are they expecting you?”
“No, but-”
“Great. I need you to come to Godric’s Hollow right now. I’ll explain everything there.”
Peter was rather taken aback by this sudden change of plans. He looked at Sirius’ rather impatient face and then at the bag with the mask that he was still holding. He sighed and tossed it onto the couch again.
“Good boy.” Sirius said immediately after seeing Peter discard his plans. “I’ll meet you at the church.”
Then the fire died and Peter stared at an empty fireplace. He sighed again. Then he slowly lifted himself off the floor. He automatically checked for his keys again and did a second attempt to leave the house, but this time for another destination.
When he stepped outside, immediately his breath turned into long tufts of vapour. He locked his door, made sure there were no Muggles around and Disapparated.

*

Peter turned on the spot, almost tipping over as he materialised out of nowhere. When he looked around, at first he did not recognise where he was. But then he saw the bell tower stretching out over the rooftops. As he started walking, he complimented himself on Apparating less than a mile away from his planned destination.
After a minute or two the square of Godric’s Hollow came into view and thus also the church. Peter did not have to look twice to recognise the black dog that was waiting for him at the gates. He crossed the square, greeted Sirius and petted him on the head. The dog immediately started walking so Peter just followed him. It was obvious where they were going, but Peter had no clue why. And for another few minutes that stayed unanswered as Sirius did not change back to his human form until they had reached the garden behind Potter Cottage.
Finally Sirius transformed back.
“Luckily my parents weren’t expecting me…” Peter said.
“I would have made you cancel it one way or the other.” Sirius replied. “I- well- we will explain everything in a second. I first need to-”
“We?” Peter asked puzzled yet curiously.
Sirius lowered his head and whispered into Peter’s ear;
“I’m James and Lily’s Secret Keeper and I’m going to tell you where they are.”
Peter nodded, though rather shocked. Was Sirius allowed to do this? Did James and Lily know what Sirius was about to do? But nothing could have stopped it from happening as Sirius very softly but very clearly whispered;
“James and Lily Potter reside at Potter Cottage in Godric’s Hollow.”
Sirius pulled his head away and to Peter’s surprise he saw James waving at him from the back room window, swearing he had not seen anything there before Sirius had passed on his secret.
“But… why- ” Peter started, but Sirius pulled the back door open and shooed Peter in.
“Not here.” Sirius said, following Peter in, looking around for eavesdroppers.
Then he closed the door. James appeared in the kitchen and welcomed them in, leading them to the living room where Lily was sitting. On the floor next to the sofa laid a rug where Harry was playing on.
“Hi, Peter. It’s good to see you again… How have you been?” Lily asked.
Peter sat down next to her, still rather dazed.
“I-I’m fine. But I don’t understand,” he looked up at James, then at Sirius and then back to Lily. “What am I doing here? I am not supposed to know, right…?”
James grinned and sat down on Lily’s other side.
“We have a favour to ask of you.” James said. “It was Sirius’ idea, so if you don’t like it- blame him.” he said rather amused, pointing at Sirius who sat back down in his chair.
“And to make a long story short,” Sirius added, “We want to ask if you would want to be safer than you will ever be, only having to keep a little secret and let me handle all the lethal danger.”
Peter looked from one to the other, but with a look on his face as though he still didn’t have a clue of what they were saying.
“What they are trying to say,” Lily explained patiently, “is that we would like you to be our Secret Keeper from now on.”

It took quite a while to explain their plan and for Peter to register it all. This all had struck him rather numb. Simply because of what they were asking of him… Almost full responsibility over their lives… It seemed unbelievable to him. Something in the back of his head was nagging him, but the buzzing of this all seemed to block it out of reach.
“Will you do it?” James asked finally.
It was quiet for a long time. Peter was thinking of the life he was going to be leading. They suggested that he would replace Sirius in Marlene McKinnon’s house and that Sirius would find another place to hide. He thought of how life was going to be in Marlene’s house… But then he reminded himself it was for a good cause. He could already picture himself sitting there, drinking coffee, while Sirius was outside being chased by Death Eaters. Suddenly the nagging feeling came rushing back. He knew that whenever something troubled him, it was to be read off his face, so he quickly banned the feeling. Then he slowly nodded.
“Okay… I will do it.” he said finally.
He was greeted by James’ and Lily’s warm, grateful smiles. Somehow this made a shiver run over his back.
Sirius stood up.
“We’d better do it right away…” he said, sounding suddenly rather timid. “It should be no problem now the charm has been broken.”
James nodded determinately, taking his wand out.
“Let’s get ready. Lily…”
Lily nodded standing up and getting her wand out too.
“I’m going to give you instructions on every step of the charm,” she said to Peter who stood up too, nervously holding his wand. “It is rather complicated so everything has to be done exactly right. Sirius, could you get the book out again?”
Sirius walked over to the bookcase and as if in a déjàvu he, like last week, reached for the black, leather bound book on the top shelf. He handed it over to Lily, who started flipping through it, preparing the charm.

Sirius looked at it for a while as Lily read it through with Peter, patiently explaining everything step by step. As this was going to last a pretty long while, he walked over to where Harry was playing and kneeled down next to him.
“You’re going to take good care of your parents, aren’t you Harry? Make sure they go to bed in time and stuff…”
As he looked at the little boy and casted a sideward glance at the others, a certain feeling of sadness overtook him. His mind was tormenting him with the question when he was ever going to see them again… not knowing this would be sooner than anyone could have predicted.

As they carefully and patiently brought the entrance of Peter’s soul to the surface, the atmosphere was friendly but tense… It took a lot more time with Peter than it had taken with Sirius and they had to be really careful not to make any mistakes. Souls were not something to play with.
“I think we’re ready…” Lily said after a long hour of concentration.
Peter was kneeling on the floor and hovering in mid air in front of his chest, was a thin thread of white light. He was sitting very still, as the book instructed him to do. And so he did.
James, who had been kneeling too, straightened up and walked over to Sirius.
“Thank you for everything. We’ll see each other soon enough…” James said softly, wrapping a strong arm around his friend.
He let go and let Lily pass. She gave Sirius an encouraging hug.
“Take care, okay? Don’t get into too much trouble for us.”
Then she let go and kneeled down to pick Harry up. As the boy sat on his mothers arm, Sirius gave the child a kiss on the head.
“You too… take care…” Sirius said, his feature holding nothing but a saddened smile now.
James and Lily smiled at him one last time and then they grabbed hold of each other’s hands. They kneeled down in front of Peter and James carefully put his wand tip to the thread of light in front of Peter.
“Patefacio. I hereby hide the location, Potter Cottage in Godric’s Hollow, where James, Lily and Harry Potter are residing in this soul.”
Sirius could see Lily silently mouth ‘Thank you’ to him, before James spoke the word “Propinquus.”
Then Sirius could see nothing more than Peter, kneeled on the floor, the white thread of light closing until nothing in the room was out of the ordinary.

Peter nodded as Lily told him he could stand up now.
“We’d better leave.” Sirius said. “We’d can meet up at Merlene’s house in an hour. You can get your stuff now, but don’t linger too long, alright?”
Peter nodded, obviously still rather shaken by the whole event. He said goodbye to James, Lily and Harry and followed Sirius outside through the back door. He didn’t dare to say much, realising Sirius was having a rather hard time at the moment. So in silence, with the black dog on his right side, Peter walked back to the church. There he Disapparated back home.

*

The journey back to Derby was cold.
When he arrived, Sirius immediately landed the bike into the garden.
Peter, who was already waiting outside with two full bags, saw Sirius’ bike come into view, lower and suddenly disappear. As he entered the garden himself, Sirius and his bike appeared into view again, as he crossed the barrier of the security bubble.
“Here we are.” Sirius said, pushing away a door that seemed burned down. When they stepped in, Peter was surprised to see the place was on the inside in perfect state.
Something crossed Peter’s mind.
“Should I tell Dumbledore?” he asked Sirius, who was collecting some of his own things that lay around the house.
Sirius shook his head.
“The less know, the better.” he repeated, “It’s safest that way.” he said while looking around, collecting a pair of trousers and stuffed it in a bag.
“I’ll be right back.” and he sped up the stairs to get his stuff from up there.

Peter walked through the kitchen into the living room and looked around the room. They had been here a couple of times to discuss personal missions. Nothing had really changed. Just the fact that Marlene was dead now.
Sirius came hurrying back downstairs, stuffed his last stuff in the bag and threw it over his shoulder.
“I’m leaving now… I’ll come check if you’re okay tonight, alright? Just- don’t leave.” Sirius said.
Peter nodded.
“We can set up a plan for when you want me to drop by tonight of you want.”
“Thanks…” Peter replied.
“No, really, thank you.” Sirius managed to break a smile.
And with those words he left the house. Peter heard him and the motorbike take off.

*

“Do you really think it is wise not to let Dumbledore know about this?” Lily asked, looking out of the window at the children running around with bobbing lanterns behind them.
“Yes.” James answered soothingly. “Sirius was right. The less people know, the better it is. And like this, he is in someway still our Secret Keeper. Nothing changed. Only the key does not lie within him anymore. Dumbledore already knows everything he should know.”
Lily turned around to look at her husband who was lying comfortably on the sofa.
“I guess you’re right… Sirius’ sudden arrival just startled me. That’s all.” she said softly. “And I’m worried about their safety.”
“Sirius will be just fine. He said people were after him, right? Still he was safe from any harm at Marlene’s house. And so will Peter be. Safer even, as they are not after him.” James said, gesturing Lily to come join him.
“I feel bad about putting their lives at stake for our safety.” Lily moved towards the sofa, her arms wrapped around herself.
“Wouldn’t we do the same for them?...” James asked, moving a bit to make space for her.
“Yes… of course we would.”
“Everything will be okay.” James said.
“How can you be so sure?”
Lily laid herself down on the sofa, her hair covering James’ face. He spluttered and brushed it away with a certain amusement. He wrapped his arms around her as she reached out a hand to stroke Harry’s head, who was still playing on the rug.
“Because… I love you!” James said gently, closing his eyes.
“How much?” Lily asked playfully, getting a different response every time she asked.
“Till eternity!” James said determinately, squeezing her softly.
And as the previous evening, she huddled up to him. Nothing had changed. And everything would be alright.

*

Peter had always been a strong believer in fate, but now it was even becoming too much for him. Had it not been less than twenty-four hours in which he had wished; almost prayed for a thing that would change his life forever? And here he was… Him; Secret Keeper. Literally turned into the key to his own success. His mind was being torn into two directions… He had the luxury of choice. If it even was a luxury. He could be a hero or he could be a step closer to respect from people that stood way above him; maybe soon to be at his feet. He paced around the room of the house in Derby. He stopped dead in his trail when he really realised where he was. In the house of a member of the Order. But where was she? Yes. She was dead. Fallen in a battle against Death Eaters from which only two out of ten got caught that night.
Peter’s mind started calculating. Along the years many members of the Order had fallen. Yes, also Death Eaters and servants of the Dark Lord had died, but most of the time by personal flaws or betrayal. And their numbers had grown. Their numbers had grown so big, they could even get away with attacks in broad daylight. While the Order had to have secret meetings, secret headquarters and secret missions. Dumbledore was good in telling you there was progress… he could give you the feeling you were on the winning side. But who were they fooling?
With his heart beating in his throat, Peter came to realise they were fighting a losing battle. They had not even noticed him handing the Dark Lord precious information. Yes, he had been careful. Any threat of the Dark Lord made you careful enough, but that did not make others blind. And yet they never knew. Lately they had grown a hunch there was a leak, but they never knew. For one whole year, they never noticed anything.
Yes, the Dark Lord was winning. Why would they hide? If the Dark Lord would reach his world dominating strength, the Ministry and the Order would fall and they would have to hide forever. And why would anyone want to hide forever? Hiding forever would be like being buried alive, with enough oxygen and food to last you a life time, but with no tools to get out.
“You might as well be dead.” He concluded aloud.
He thought about James and Lily… and their child. How could Harry have a normal childhood and life if he never got to go outside? And what if he, Peter, died before they did? The secret of where they stayed would be gone forever and they would be shielded off from the world until they died too.

An excuse that justified what he was about to do took shape in his head. His actual fears got shielded from his mind. It would be a favour… The shivers and nightmares he got from only hearing the Dark Lord’s voice got pushed to the back of his head.
He would be doing them a favour. All of them. James, Lily and Harry. And the Dark Lord. This gave Peter a new wave of dizzying excitement. He would deliver James and Lily from a life time of captivity in their own home and give the Dark Lord an opportunity to grow strong even faster than he had imagined. He would be thanked. Maybe even praised. He would be spared. He would be rewarded. But most of all, he would be respected. Tons of respect. Would they not grand him that? Did his friends not want the same status for him as they had always had themselves? It would be selfish of them to not let Peter taste a bit of that glory before he would leave this earth. Once they finally realised themselves the Dark Lord was winning, they would maybe fight a little longer. But also their lives would be in danger and surely they would choose life over death…? If his position next to the Dark Lord could guarantee his friends would be spared and forgiven, they would thank him in the end. But sacrifices had to be made. Just like the Order had cost Marlene her life, so would James and Lily’s lives be sacrificed. But definitely for a greater good. A brighter future.
Thinking about it this way, made Peter strangely excited. He would be doing them a favour and they would be doing him a favour. A fair deal.
“I know where James and Lily are…” he said aloud, surprised at how easy it felt.

He grabbed his coat, put it on and stepped out of the sanctuary that had held Sirius safe from the world for a week. Once outside, he took hold of his wand and put the tip of it to his left wrist. The burn of the skull and snake lit up and burned into his flesh. He flinched but did not let go. He had felt worse. Even though Peter’s excitement pulsed from the knowledge that he finally had really important information to share with his master, putting the Dark Mark in action was always something he hated to do. Not because of the pain but because of the fact that being in the presence of the Dark Lord was something he could never get used to. And so the cracking noise of his master Apparating behind him came sooner than he had hoped.

“I sure hope you call upon me for important business, Wormtail.” Voldemort´s voice softly sounded behind him.
It took Peter a lot of courage to turn around. In his excitement he had totally forgotten to think of a way how to share what he knew including a request for a reward. And all courage seeped out of him within those few seconds it took for him to face his master.
“Y-yes, Dark Lord,” he stammered.
“Then don’t make me wait.” he said, again very softly, but Peter could easily hear his patience was not to be tested.
Yet this did not make it any easier for him to spill it out.
“What- what do you grand your loyal followers i-if they hand you precious information, Lord?” he dared to ask.
For a split second he looked at Voldemort. His eyes flashed dangerously at Peter’s question. But his master’s expression changed to a haughty kind of stare almost instantly after that.
“My loyal followers get rewarded beyond their imagination.” Voldemort answered, burning into Peter with his eyes. “Unlike weak, cowardice servants, like yourself, who might win another day to live.” he added, sounding almost emotionless.
Peter saw his chance to confess.
“I-I have seen the errors of my ways, Lord!” he squealed. “You a-are strong, master… Stronger than Dumbledore will ever be! The Order of the Phoenix is a joke compared to your army… I see it now. I choose your side, master… I am your loyal follower…” Peter bowed submissively.
Voldemort looked at him with disgust.
“Liar!” he hissed. “You have not done anything that has shown real disloyalty to that foolish, old man! Nothing you did was going to cost you your head on their behalf!”
Peter did not straighten up from his bow. His mind was racing. He saw no opportunity to show the Dark Lord he was loyal to him and guarantee a reward, without first giving away the seriousness of the information he could give. Would he be able to give it all up, without even knowing for sure he would get the respect he deserved? Would he risk it all for the chance of getting nothing?
“But, Wormtail,” Voldemort continued, surprisingly calmly, “You suggest you have important information.”
Peter hesitated.
“Yes, my Lord,” he was going to play it safely. “S-Sirius Black. He is the Potter’s Secret Keeper! He knows where they a-”
“FOOL!” Voldemort bellowed, smashing Peter to the ground with one powerful swoop of his wand.
Peter let out a cry of despair. With one swift movement Voldemort stood next to Peter’s head and bent down. With the wand he forced Peter’s face to the ground.
“Don’t you think I figured that out yet?!” he spat. “You do not think I already sent my Death Eaters after him?! I do not need a miserable, self-pitying coward like you to tell me things that could be guessed by merely looking at the person!”

Peter’s jaw got smashed to the ground as Voldemort had forced him down. A taste of blood filled his mouth as his bottom lip started stinging. ‘Idiot!’ he thought, as he lay there helpless at his master’s feet. He had acted too quickly tonight. Why had he not waited a little longer? He could have prepared this… He could have set up a clever plan to handle this… Now it was too late to think of a strategy. He had not even lasted five minutes on his own feet.

Voldemort straightened up graciously, lifting the spell by simply removing his wand from above Peter’s head.

Peter felt the spell lift and shakily tried to get on his feet again. But Voldemort´s voice startled him and made him fall over. He scrambled backwards over the gravel, pressing his back against the wall of the optical illusion of a ruin.
“And yet again you disappoint me, Wormtail.” Voldemort looked down upon him. “You are of no use to me anymore. And, if your pledge is true, neither are you to Dumbledore’s Order.”
Peter started hyperventilating, realising what his master was saying.
“And now you will die.” Voldemort said almost calmly, raising his wand high above his head.
“No!-” Peter shrieked, shielding his face with his arms, as Voldemort´s wand came down and he opened his mouth to say the curse.
“I can lead you to them!” before he realised it, he had said it.
Peter added hastily, knowing the Dark Lord did not believe in waiting; “The Potters… I can lead you to them…”
Voldemort drew a sharp breath.
“I am their Secret Keeper…” he confessed defeated.
“Give me one reason to believe why they would do that!” Voldemort spat.
“S-Sirius, my Lord! H-he t-thought the secret would be sa-safer with me-!” Peter stuttered, still shielding his face in fear.
Voldemort´s eyes twitched at these words.
“I am telling the truth, master!” Peter added desperately, starting to sob. “T-tonight the Charm was switched to me! T-that’s why I am here! Th-this ruin, Lord, it’s a secret hide out! I swear- they told me to hide here, as Sirius did. I am telling the tru-”
“Be silent!” Voldemort bit him off.
Voldemort swiftly swooped through the burned out post where a door should have been. As he stepped inside the ruin the place indeed changed to a home in front of his eyes. He hurried back outside. A mad gleam lit up in Voldemort´s eyes. He observed Peter for a few seconds, saying softly, almost ecstatic;
“You are not lying this time…”
Peter shook his head miserably. He had given away his information. But without any pride. Without any feeling of bravery.
“Where are they?” Voldemort demanded as he lifted Peter up without any effort and pressed him against the wall.
“T-they are b-back at their house in Godric’s Hollow-” he stammered, slowly starting to appreciate the fact he was still alive.
Voldemort let go and dropped Peter to the ground without warning. He turned his back on him and paced the gravel for a few seconds, softly talking; hissing to himself in Parseltongue. Then he turned back to Peter.
For a second Peter thought he was going to be killed after all. But Voldemort lifted him off the ground again.
“And of course you are coming along,” he said, as though finishing his hissing in human language. “If you dare to lie only once about their whereabouts, you will wish you had never been born.”
And without any warning, Peter got dragged along Voldemort´s Disapparation towards Godric’s Hollow.

*

Sirius landed the bike for the second time that day in the backyard of Marlene’s garden. He got off, taking off his cloak.
“It’s just me!” he yelled at the burned door, while putting the motorbike stable on the rocky ground.
He did not get any response, so he walked over to the door. With a creaking noise the door opened. A cold draft swept him in the face.
‘I must have left a window open…’ he thought absentmindedly as he entered the living room through the kitchen.
“Peter, I’m here! I brought you some food.”
Yet again, he did not get a response. He frowned. But then the thought crossed his mind that he might be upstairs. So he crossed the living room towards the stairs, just about to ascend it when he noticed where the draft came from. He carefully opened the door to the hallway and saw that the front door was wide open. Immediately he grabbed his wand. A rush of panic sped through his body.
“Peter?!” he called upwards, circling, sure to be able to cast a spell when being cursed from an unexpected angle.
When he saw there was no one there, he hurried up the stairs.
“Peter?! Are you here?!” he repeated again, desperately pushing open all the doors on the upper landing.
There was no one.
He hurried back downstairs, heart beating in his throat. There he stood for a while, helplessly staring around the room; slowly dawning on him that the room showed no signs of a struggle. Peter had left the house. And with haste.
Panic started to take control over Sirius. He ran outside and mounted his bike as quickly as possible. Could this be happening? Had he missed something? Had Peter told him he would be going somewhere without him hearing it?... But these thoughts were smothered by a heavy feeling. The feeling of fear. A fear so intense it struck Sirius for the first time in his life. Had he just made the worst decision to be made? Was trust going to be proven false once again?
He shakily pushed the bike off the ground and flew off as fast as he could.

*

Voldemort pushed Peter roughly against a tree.
“You will stay here, until I am sure you did not lie to me. And if it is indeed true… you will be greatly rewarded, Wormtail.”
With these words Voldemort cast red glowing threads out of his wand, straining Peter against the tree trunk.
Without another word Voldemort swept off into the dark. Peter’s breath was unsteady, but he would calm down. That is what he told himself. He had not lied to his master and soon he would find out himself. The reward would be beyond his imagination. He would be powerful. Never did he have to feel fear again.

*

The night wet and windy, two children dressed as pumpkins waddling across the square, and the shop window covered in paper spiders, all the tawdry Muggle trapping of a world in which they did not believe… And he was gliding along, that sense of purpose and power and rightness in him that he always knew on these occasions… Not anger… that was for weaker souls than he… but triumph, yes… He had waited for this, he had hoped for it…
“Nice costume, mister!”
He saw the small boy’s smile falter as he ran near enough to see beneath the hood of the cloak, saw the fear cloud his painted face. Then the child turned and ran away… Beneath the robe be fingered the hand of his wand… One simple movement and the child would never reach his mother… but unnecessary, quite unnecessary…
And along a new and darker street he moved, and now his destination was in sight at last, the Fidelius Charm broken, though they did not know it yet… And he made less noise than the dead leaves slithering along the pavement as he drew level with the dark hedge, and peered over it…
They had not drawn the curtains; he saw them quite clearly in their little sitting room, the tall black-haired man in his glasses, making puffs of coloured smoke erupt from his wand for the amusement of the small black-haired boy in his blue pyjamas. The child was laughing and trying to catch the smoke, to grab it in his small fist…

“You like the red ones best, don’t you?” James said amused as Harry let out a shriek of excitement. James conjured another puff of red smoke, doing an attempt to make it look like a turtle. Harry jumped up and down, a little out of balance, to grab it.

A door opened and the mother entered, saying words he could not hear, her long dark-red hair falling over her face.

“I think your daddy needs to go back to school,” Lily said to the boy. “Everybody knows turtles are green. Except for him.” she pointed at James, laughing.
James laughed too.
“Yep, your mummy would bring you to bed when she was ready in the kitchen. Good night, my son.”
James pressed a kiss on his head.

Now the father scooped up the son and handed him to the mother. He threw his wand down upon the sofa and stretched, yawning…
The gate creaked a little as he pushed it open, but James Potter did no hear.
His white hand pulled out the wand beneath his cloak and pointed it at the door, which burst open.
He was over the threshold as James came sprinting into the hall. It was easy, too easy; he had not even picked up his wand…
“Lily, take Harry and go! It’s him! Go! Run! I’ll hold him off!”
‘Hold him off, without a wand in his hand?...’ he laughed before casting the curse…
“Avada Kedavra!”
The green light filled the cramped hallway, it lit the pram pushed against the wall, it made the banisters glare like lightning rods, and James Potter fell like a marionette whose strings were cut…

Lily, who was holding Harry, saw it happen, the green flash reflecting in her eyes. Her legs didn’t want to support her anymore. And she screamed. Her husband lifeless at the bottom of the stairs.

He could hear her screaming from the upper floor, trapped, but as long as she was sensible, she, at least, had nothing to fear…

Lily’s instinct to protect Harry no matter what, made her run into Harry’s bedroom. With Harry in her arms, she tried to master the strength to place as many objects that stood in the room in front of the door. Barricading it. Winning time. Winning life.

He climbed the steps, listening with faint amusement to her attempts to barricade herself in… She had no wand either… How stupid they were, and how trusting, thinking that their safety lay in friends, that weapons could be discarded even for moments… He forced the door open, cast aside the chair and boxes hastily piled against it with one lazy wave of his wand… and there she stood, the child in her arms.

Lily held Harry close, her breath failing her. She was shaking. Voldemort was standing in front of her. The person that just brutally murdered James. Wonderful James. A tear rolled over her cheek.

At the last sight of him, she dropped her son into the crib behind her and threw her arms wide, as if this would help, as if in shielding him from sight she hoped to be chosen instead…
“Not Harry, not Harry, please not Harry!”
“Stand aside, you silly girl… stand aside now.”
“Not Harry, please no, take me, kill me instead-”
“This is my last warning-”
“Not Harry! Please… have mercy… have mercy… Not Harry! Not Harry! Please- I’ll do anything-”
“Stand aside. Stand aside, girl!”
He could have forced her away from the crib, but it seemed more prudent to finish them all…

A second… maybe an hour, they stood there. But then she saw Voldemort raise his wand. Every good memory, every painful memory and every unforgettable memory flashed before her eyes. All at once. Her thoughts were with James. Her love was for Harry. The words Voldemort spoke were dimmed and vague.
“Avada Kedavra!”

The green light flashed around the room and she dropped like her husband.
The child had not cried all this time. He could stand, clutching the bars of his crib and he looked up into the intruder’s face with a kind of bright interest, perhaps thinking that it was his father who hid beneath the cloak, making more pretty light, and his mother would pop up any moment, laughing-
He pointed the wand very carefully into the boy’s face. He wanted to see it happen, the destruction of this one, inexplicable danger. The child began to cry.
It had seen that he was not James. He did not like it crying, he had never been able to stomach the small ones whining in the orphanage-
“Avada Kedavra!”
And then he broke; He was nothing, nothing but pain and terror, and he must hide himself, not here in the rubble of the ruined house, where the child was trapped and screaming, but far away… far away…

Mrs Jessica Black

*

Suddenly the bounds that held him disappeared. Peter was startled by it. A victorious yelp left his lips. Voldemort must have realised that Peter had been telling the truth. Showing true mercy by giving him the benefit of the doubt. And grateful he was. Peter felt stronger than ever.
He stumbled away from the tree. A few Muggles had been standing there. Just looking at the strange sight, not even trying to untie him. With an unpleasant look at them, Peter ran away. He did not know why, but he felt strangely exposed. He would go somewhere safe. Hidden. Voldemort would definitely be able to find him back. Until then, he would stay low.

*

When Godric’s Hollow started appearing beneath him, Sirius started lowering his bike.
In matter of seconds Potter Cottage came into view… something inside Sirius collided with the fear he had felt when he had left Derby, slapping him in the face with a nausea that made him unable to breath.
As he sped towards the street, his eyes never broke with the horror in front of him. The first floor of the cottage was completely in ruins, rubble spread all over the yard and the street. The upper landing was partly blasted away, revealing a once warm home, now filled with rocks, dirt and the cold autumn air.
Sirius’ bike hit the ground. He stumbled off of it; half tripping as the bike crashed to the street, leaving sparks where the metal scraped the asphalt. The scene before him dawned on him with tremendous force. His head started spinning. He moved closer to the house, finding support on the fence in front of the ruins. Thoughts racing, he started to realise what had happened.
“Peter-” he uttered through gritted teeth, fighting hard not to get sick.
His hands clenched around the wood, paint splinters digging in his flesh. But he did not feel it.
Suddenly a sound beyond the fence caught his attention. Something in the shadows was moving. When he swiftly looked up, he could see a tall figure coming out of the house. Sirius immediately reached for his wand in reflex and pointed it straight at the figure. Right before he fired a curse, the person spoke up.
“No! Sirius! It’s jus’ me!”
Sirius recognised the voice.
“It’s jus’ me!”
It was Hagrid. He frantically gestured for Sirius to get him out of wand shot as he entered the light of a lantern.
“It’s jus’ me…” he repeated.
Sirius slowly lowered his wand.
“What’re you doing here?” he croaked miserably.
“Dumbledore sent me. He-” Hagrid started, but he never got to finish his sentence.
Just two seconds after Sirius had looked him in the eyes, he saw Sirius’ gaze wander off to the two shadowy figures he knew were lying in the grass behind him.
“No-” Sirius breathed. He slowly started moving forward, getting over the fence, not breaking his line of sight. He approached slowly. A part of him told him to stop and turn back. His sanity was telling him he did not want to see this. That there would be no turning back afterwards. And yet his feet kept moving. Demanding confirmation. A cruel urge to close out any doubt.
First they were just shadows… Black silhouettes drawn onto the dark grass. But when the bodies of James and Lily became recognisable, Sirius’ stomach turned. Blood left his face, his heart stopped and he choked. He turned away from their bodies, doubled up and vomited in the grass.
Hagrid hurried up to him and grabbed him for support.
“NO!” Sirius yelled, struggling in Hagrid’s arm. He shot another sideways glance at the bodies, hoping to see any single sign of life. But there was none. And none came. They were gone.
“NOOO!”
Hagrid just held him tight with his arm, fighting Sirius’ desperate struggles, not knowing what else to do. He let Sirius scream. He let him kick and hit his anger out on him. There was nothing else he could do for him at this moment.
Sirius wanted Hagrid to just let him go. He fought against Hagrid. He fought against the pain and he fought against his grief. And he screamed. Screamed till his throat burned. There was no way anyone could comfort him.
But then suddenly the soft cries of a baby became audible. Sirius struggled loose, pale and shaking. Breath unsteady, he stared as Hagrid used his now free arm to hastily but gently grab the child out of his other arm.
“He-he’s still alive!” Sirius croaked in disbelieve, looking from the baby to Hagrid and back.
“Yeah, I only noticed him bein’ alive when I moved Lily’s body ou’ of the room...” Hagrid replied shakily, trying to sooth the baby.
For Sirius seeing Harry at this moment was a tiny dot of light in this nightmare. He could still do something right.
“Give him to me…” Sirius said, his voice sounding uneven, reaching his arms out to the child.
Hagrid hesitated. “You wanna hol’ him?”
“No, I’m gonna take him with me and look after him. I’m his godfather.” Sirius replied determinately.
Hagrid was frightened by the sudden empty look in Sirius’ eyes and took a step backwards.
“Dumbledore wan’s me to take ‘im to ‘is family in Li’le Wingin’-”
“Dumbledore has nothing to say about him! Give Harry to me, Hagrid!” Sirius started to get desperate. The gnarling feeling of his friends’ deaths started devouring his feeling of righteousness and reason.
“I’M HIS GODFATHER!” he roared, lunging at Hagrid, trying to force the child out of his arms.
But then the baby started crying even louder. This startled Sirius and he stopped his pulling right away. But even though Sirius had stopped, Hagrid held on to Harry as though holding on to dear life.
“Don’ ya see whut you’re doin’?!” Hagrid shouted angrily. “You’re in no condition to take care’ of this baby! Dumbledore ordered me to see if ‘arry was still alive an’ if he was, I ‘ad to bring ‘im to Li’le Wingin’!”
Sirius looked at the crying baby in Hagrid’s arms. Emptiness started to grow in his heart.
All strength left his body. He was about to loose everything. His once clever plan of switching to Peter as Secret Keeper turned out to be the biggest mistake he had ever made. The thought of it made him feel sick again. He could not cope with the truth. Peter had been the spy. Of all people… All this time, if anyone out of their group would have been the spy, he had thought it was Remus. And only because they barely had had contact in weeks. Had he really been so blind?
He looked at the bodies that only lay a few feet away from them. If his friends were dead and Harry would be taken away from him… There was nothing he could do. Unless…
In this moment where only the cries of an orphan child disturbed the hellish silence, Hagrid kept his attention fully on Sirius. Not knowing what he was thinking; for those eyes were so empty. There were fractions of seconds where he thought Sirius could attack him again and yet there were moments in which Hagrid thought he was going to break down. But he knew that whatever might happen, he would defend this little miracle child with his life.
“Take the bike… I won’t need it anymore…” Sirius then suddenly said softly, blankly staring into the dark.
Hagrid just stared at him, still rather weary.
“Take the bike…” Sirius repeated weakly.
“Whut-?” Hagrid replied confused, expecting that to be the last thing Sirius would say.
“TAKE MY BIKE AND GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE!” Sirius bellowed desperately, wanting him to take Harry as far away from him as possible before he would change his mind and hurt Hagrid.
Hagrid frowned but nodded curtly and hurried off the lawn. He tucked the child away in his coat and grabbed the motorbike from the street.
“GO!” Sirius yelled, but with less force.
He started to feel weak. Weaker than he had ever felt before.
“Go…”
He turned around as he heard Hagrid get on the bike and kick the engine to life. He heard him take off and fly into the night. Then a pressuring silence followed. The hauling of the wind seemed to make the surrounding trees weep. Sirius looked at the bodies, slowly getting closer to them. Emotions grabbed his throat as he kneeled down between them. With a shaking hand he closed James’ staring eyes. He looked at him for a long time. To Sirius it felt cruel that death made it so hard to recognise people. Still, he knew this was James. Painfully he started to realise James would never smile at him again. Never again would he crack a joke at serious moments like these. The grief Sirius felt told him that also he would never smile again…
Then he looked at his other side. Lily’s eyes were already closed, though her face bore a troubled look. Sirius moved a strand of red, curly hair out of her pretty face. Beautiful Lily… Sirius choked back his tears. Out of all the women in his life, this was the only one that had shown him love existed. The way James and Lily could look at each other from time to time… Even though Sirius could barely recognise it; he knew that must have been love. But now there was no loving gaze. Not even a look of disapproval, even though he hated that the most about her. How he would have given anything to just have her look at him like that one more time. But nothing changed. The troubled look did not fade. Never would she ever give him a spontaneous hug or a snide remark again…
When Sirius felt he could not take any more, he quickly stood up and walked away from them. His jaw was clenched, hands made into fists.
A sudden madness started to boil in his blood. His veins slowly started pumping hatred through his whole body. At this point where he had nothing left and had nothing left to lose, revenge was the only thing that was on his mind. He did not care if the oath he had made to the Order approved of it. He did not care if it was going to be fair. Voldemort and his supporters never played fair either. And tonight the tables would be turned. He made a silent promise to himself that he would not rest before the person responsible for this treason was dead. He would track Peter down. He would track him down and kill him.

*

The Sneakoscope in his trembling hand started buzzing madly and he smashed it to shards on the street.
“I smell a rat!” Sirius hissed through clenched jaws as he pointed his wand at the weather beaten garbage container at the end of the alley. A yellow bolt of lightning shot out of it’s end. The enormous thing exploded with a blast that could have been heard from miles away. The chunks of metal hit the walls with enormous noise and garbage flew high into the air, raining down into the alley.

Sirius’ voice had made Peter to freeze his scurrying. If he could just pretend he wasn’t there, he might have a chance- but then, way sooner than he had expected anything to happen, the explosion followed. The blast was so immense, that he changed back to his human self within a second. Shocked by the fact he could have been killed right then and there. It took a few seconds for the pain to sink in, but when it did, Peter realised a chunk of metal had hit his arm and his clothes got soaked with blood. He moaned and pressed himself against the wall. Thoughts racing, the one insane idea following the other, he forced himself to think of a way to survive this vengeance. Always when he had seen Sirius angry, he was thankful he was not the enemy, yet here he was… Soon to be falling victim under Sirius’ merciless wrath.

There he was. Cowering against the bricks and being covered by the descending garbage. Looking at Peter turned Sirius’ stomach around. His head was buzzing, his ears filled with ringing. His usually steady aiming hand was now shaking.
“WHY?!” he heard himself roar. With the desperation of this question, tiny bolts of uncontrolled magic shot out of his wand, illuminating Peter’s pale face.

Sirius’ roar made Peter jump. For a second his eyes met those of Sirius. The madness in them scared him and made his heart race even faster than it already did. It made his chest hurt.
‘How am I going to survive this?’ Peter caught himself thinking. ‘This can not be it!’
Even though he did not dare look at Sirius, he heard him coming closer.
‘Think!’ he thought desperately. ‘You’re a Gryffindor! You’re not weak!’
“WHY DID YOU DO IT, PETER?!”
‘Not weak- Not weak…’ his mind worked wonders. ‘Get him at his weak spot!’
“I-I never wanted this!” Peter stammered. “It was your idea!”
Sirius stopped in his trail. Peter slowly lifted himself off the dirty ground.
“They t-trusted you to d-do t-this! You know you are s-stronger than I am, S-Sirius! Why did you change?! Why d-did you do it?!” he slowly moved sideways across the wall as he was spilling out this reversed accusation.
Sirius was still pointing his wand at him, following his every movement with that insane hatred in his eyes.
“Shut up-” he hissed through gritted teeth.
Peter’s flash of bravery started to leave him again. The tension caught his throat and he started to sob.
“You c-could have known, Sirius! And s-still y-you made this d-decision-!”
‘This was not your fault.’ Peter’s mind told him. ‘It was his decision. Not yours. They trusted him. And in the end he betrayed them.’
By now Peter had manoeuvred himself in the position that his back was facing the street. Sirius, who was still penetrating him with that enraged gaze, was standing with his back towards the dead-end alley now. Peter quickly looked around for an opportunity to run, but the end of the street started to fill with curious Muggles, who probably had heard the container explode.
“If you run, you will be dead before you reach the end of the street.” Sirius spat.
Peter turned his head, facing Sirius once again. It seemed a lost battle. As it always had been. But then, with the speed of lightning, an insane, but brilliant idea popped in Peter’s mind, quickly unfolding in a marvellous plan to get out. But would he dare…? Could he bear the consequences? But his mind gave him no time to choose between freedom and death.
“It was you who betrayed them!” Peter never knew where he got the guts to shout it. “You betrayed them! Lily and James, Sirius! How could you?!”

Sirius snapped and roared in anger. Within a fraction of a second, he was close enough to Peter to thrust his wand hard against his temple, grabbing him by the throat.
“I-I’ll kill them-!” Peter managed to squeeze out his tightened throat in desperation and reflex to defend himself.
Sirius noticed Peter had taken out his wand and pointed it right behind his back. Exactly towards the spot where the Muggles were watching breathlessly.
“You wouldn’t dare!” Sirius breathed venomously, tightening his grip on Peter’s throat and raising his wand. But as he did this, Peter whispered softly;
“I learned from the best…”
And as though in slow-motion, Sirius saw an enormous yellow flash erupt from Peter’s wand and move towards the Muggles. In horror he watched as the bolt hit the ground and exploded. The blast was so loud that it over tuned the screams and yells from the people that got blown in the air. Bodies got torn apart, people got smashed under the weight of the chunks of asphalt.

When the screams and cries became audible, Sirius felt something struggle out of his grip. Some vague urge told him he had to hold on to it, but this sight of horror had struck him numb.

To Peter’s surprise Sirius never noticed him struggling loose out of his grip.
After he fully realised what he had done, Peter did not dare look around. As he gasped for air, the screams became louder. He put his wand away. Guild already started to eat on him and he could not think clearly. The only thing his mind was set on now was continuing his plan and get out of here. So he painfully tore off his bloodstained robe and threw it on the ground at Sirius’ feet. For a split second he looked at him, but still, Sirius didn’t seem to notice him. Then he ran, though half tripping, back towards the end of the alley. There he grabbed a chunk of metal from the ground and started looking up his body. Breathing heavily, he tried to block the screams. His whole body ached but still he was planning on making the pain even worse.
‘See it as redemption for what you just did.’ his mind gently whispered in his ear.
Then, his searching eyes stopped when he looked at his hand. His gaze rested on the crooked index finger. Once broken by a Death Eater. It all seemed too perfect. He took the metal chunk into his left hand and put it to the awkward looking finger.
But then he stopped. His hand was shaking. He did not dare do it. He desperately looked at the still rigid frame of Sirius. But then, he could not help it, his eyes focussed on the bloody horror in front of them. The air was filled with dust and cries. A bloodbath caused by him. Nothing could undo this. Nothing but…
“Redemption!” he said to himself and even without another single doubt, he felt himself raise his left arm and bring down the metal to his right hand with an enormous force. A jolt of pain shot through his hand as he cut off the finger and heard it fall to the ground. He let out a muffled sound of pain. He quickly looked back into the street. The dust was descending. It was a matter of seconds, or his plan would fail. The pain made it harder to concentrate on the transformation. Still, somehow he managed to change back to his Animagus form quicker than he had expected. He tried to keep his mind of the pain as he scurried past the wall and into the dust. He passed one of the dead bodies that had gotten caught under a big chunk of asphalt. It was a child. He tried to block the sight of it by focusing on to find a hiding place.
Then something unexpected happened. A sudden misplaced laughter joined the screams. Peter stopped in his track and looked around.
He saw Sirius, still standing were he had stood seconds ago, when still holding Peter´s throat. The distant look had not left his eyes and yet… he was laughing. Peter suddenly felt a stab of pity for Sirius, but then his mind started speaking up again.
´He had it coming. His mind just needed the right moment to snap. He had it coming…´
Peter then forced himself to look away and continued his trail. He got to the pavement and fled into the first drain he crossed. Through the concrete pavement he could hear muffled voices screaming `Call the Police! Somebody call the Police!´
And then followed a familiar sound in the ears of a Wizard. The cracking noises from a dozen, maybe more, Wizards Apparating. They were communicating with each other through desperate yelling and worrying haste. But Peter kept running and running. He did not want to hear any more. He would hide. Hide until Voldemort would summon him to reward him. To reward him for his cunningness and bravery. To reward him for what he had done. And make him forget the sorrow that he felt.

“There! On the other side! Surround him!” One of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad shouted at the Hit Wizards.
The Hit Wizards immediately Disapparated on the spot, and Apparated on the other side of the blood bath, surrounding the laughing madman in the alley. They all had their wands out.
“Drop your wand!” One of them shouted at Sirius. “I SAID DROP YOUR WAND!”

People were shouting and screaming. There was even someone laughing. Was it Peter?... Was it one of the bystanders?... It could just as well been one of the Ministry people that suddenly showed up. But it could just as well have been himself. Every sound reached him as though muted. That constant ringing isolating him from everything that happened.
“I SAID DROP YOUR WAND!” someone in the distant was shouting in his direction. Louder laughter followed and all of a sudden he was roughly forced to the ground, his face scraping the pavement. Something got snatched out of his right hand and after that his arms got painfully forced onto his back. And still someone was laughing.
‘What’s so funny?!’ Sirius wanted to scream, but his mind didn’t seem to communicate with his body anymore.

“Do you have him under control?” one Wizard of the MLEQ shouted at the five Hit Wizards that were holding the man to the ground. He was standing next to an older woman that was shaking and sobbing.
“Yes, sir.” replied the Wizard that was holding their captive under wand shot.
“Check his identity!” M’am, I need you to stay calm and tell us what happened-”
“First the container and then that poor man! Those poor people-” the woman lost herself in sobs.
“Aye.” The Hit Wizard took out a device that looked like a matchbox and got hold of the criminal’s wand. He put the tip of it to the device and shouted to the others;
“Sirius Orion Black, 22 years old, born in London, living in London. Pure-blood Wizard. Registered by the MLE for several illegal activities concerning deadly dangerous fireworks and deliberate exposure of serious magic in front of Muggles, rebellious behaviour and lack of respect for the laws written by the Ministry of Magic, several charges concerning violent and alarmingly aggressive behaviour towards members of the Wizarding community, flying illegal vehicles in broad daylight endangering exposure of our world- should I go on, sir?”
Another MLEQ Wizard Apparated next to them.
“Ed is taking confessions from that poor woman. And no, that should be enough. Too much if you ask me. Hand me the Identifire. I’ll send it through to the Ministry right away.”
He looked with disgust at the laughing figure under the Hit Wizards’ grips.
“D’you have him under control?” the men got asked again.
“Yes, sir.” the Hit Wizard replied while handing over the device.
“Take him away!” the MLEQ Wizard said, turning his back on them and walking back to the crime scene.
“Where do you want us to take him, sir?” asked one of the Hit Wizards at his chief.
“Where do you think?!”
“I hear you. Alright, at three. One! Two! Three-!”

And even when they raised him up off the ground, Sirius did not budge. The laughing stopped. His mind tried to tell him to panic when someone whispered in his ear;
“That’s a one-way ticket to Azkaban for you.”
But nothing in his body responded. He got dragged along for a bit.
“Not laughing anymore now, are we?!”
Then the enclosed sensation of Apparition shot through his body. It seemed to last a long time. He started to feel sick again.

But then it stopped. His vision got steady, but the claustrophobic sensation did not leave. Not much of what happened then would he remember, like the rest of this night. He got carried into the concrete building, dragged along too small corridors. The walls started closing in on him as the Hit Wizards kept dragging him, taking him further into a state in which breathing was not an option. He started to hyperventilate and everything started to swirl. Again, his mind raised the alarm, but there was nothing he could do. Creaking of hinges…
Then as if out of no where, the painful grips on his arms disappeared and he was falling. It took only seconds till he hit his head hard against the cold ground and everything went black.

*

The flames reached into the smoky shaft. Remus was absentmindedly staring into them.
He had been trying to contact Dumbledore all day, but had not been able to be connected through the secured Floo Network. Then he had tried to reach Sirius. The Floo to his place had connected, but only to find his apartment empty. As last attempt he had tried Peter’s house, but also there was no one who answered to him. In the meantime it had become late and he guessed they would not be coming home tonight. He vaguely resolved to roam the streets of Diagon Alley later that night and try to find a pub with at least one of his friends in it.
Now he was having one of those moment in which one has nothing on their mind. Just a few seconds - maybe minutes - of mindless staring. Only the crackling of fire as proof that time is not standing still. Then he was snapped back into reality by a ring of the doorbell. As he heaved himself out of the chair, the bell rang again.
“On my way.” he muttered.
All of a sudden he remembered it was Halloween. He crossed the room.
While walking the hallway, he did not know this would be the last moment in years to come, he would feel happy. As he stepped on the doormat, holding a basket with tangerines, he did not realise this would be the last moment in years to come he would have his life as it was. With opening the door, he did not know what nightmare he would let in. So he opened the door.
Instead of a bunch of children ‘Trick or Treating’ as he expected, it was Dumbledore standing on his doorstep. This mildly surprised Remus, but it was not as if this was the first time this happened. Dumbledore always liked to be very involved himself when it concerned Order business and besides, he was the person he had been trying to contact all day. Remus felt relieved. His apologies would not have to be postponed after all.
“Albus,” Remus said warmly. “Come in, come in! It’s cold.” He opened the door wider and stepped aside.
Dumbledore seemed to hesitate a bit before coming in, but entered all the same.
“Good evening, Remus…” Dumbledore’s voice bared a mixture of kindness and gloom.
This sent a misplaced shiver over Remus’ back. He closed the door behind Dumbledore and gestured him to enter the living room. Dumbledore did this in silence, Remus following closely behind him.
“Please, sit down.” Remus said. “Do you want tea or-”
“I am afraid we don’t have time for tea.” Dumbledore said softly.
Another shiver ran down Remus’ spine.
“What is going on?...” he asked, picking up the gloomy vibes in Dumbledore’s voice.
“Remus…” Dumbledore looked at him. Those blue eyes not baring the sparkle they used to. “James and Lily are dead…”
Remus’ heart seemed to skip a few beats. The basket of tangerines fell out of his limb hands. Nothing could have prepared him to take this less painful then he did. The basket hit the floor in slow motion, letting the tangerines roll over the floor. The words repeated in his head.
“They’re- dead…?” he said softly, voice quivering.
Dumbledore helped him down into a chair. He could feel him shaking as he kneeled down before him. He nodded sadly.
“And so is Peter…” Dumbledore said, stabbing Remus in the heart a second time on too short notice.
Remus covered his mouth with his hand as a cry of despair left his throat. Tears started to well up as he stared into Dumbledore’s eyes. Begging him. Pleading to tell him he was lying.
“James had given me a Safety Bulb years ago. So that if anything might happen, I would be one of the first to know. When it broke this evening, I sent Hagrid to go check on them at their house. And as I expected… the protection was broken. Voldemort had gotten to them before we did…”
Remus shook his head in disbelieve, unable to speak. Dumbledore squeezed his hand.
“But Hagrid managed to save Harry out of the ruins, Remus. Their son is still alive. We left him with his last living relatives in Little Winging. They will take care of him from now on.”
Remus just nodded, trying to feel slightly relieved about the fact that Harry was still alive, but all attempts to stop the stabbing in his heart were in vein. A million questions cut through his mind.
“What happened to Peter?” he uttered with a shaking voice. “And where is Sirius? Does Sirius know yet?”
Dumbledore did not speak right away this time. He was contemplating how to bring this to a man already in so much pain. How to tell a man he lost all the friends he ever had in one night?...
“What happened to them?!” Remus cried out. He startled himself with this out burst, but he could not stand Dumbledore’s silence. He had the right to know.
“Sirius was the spy, Remus…” Dumbledore said with pain in his heart.
“No-” uttered Remus, starting to feel angry.
“Nothing can change what happe-” Dumbledore started, but Remus cut him off.
“But that’s not what happened!” he shot up from his chair. “Sirius would never hurt them! Never!” Remus stepped towards the mantle piece in desperation, turning his back on Albus.
“Remus, listen to me!” Dumbledore started, also straightening up and following him with his gaze. “What you don’t know is that for these past few days, he was James and Lily’s Secret Keeper! Only he knew where they were! How else could Voldemort have found them if not been told by Sirius himself?”
“I don’t know! Something must have gone wrong! Maybe- maybe they found him! And forced him to drink Veritaserum-” he choked on his rage and disbelieve.
“Think, Remus… you and I both know very well the Fidelius Charm can not be broken by a simple potion. I totally understand this is all very hard to take, but the evidence is as solid as stone.”
“What evidence? Some dead bodies and a hunch do not make evidence!”
“Please, sit down and hear me out.”
“I am not sitting down!” Remus turned to face Dumbledore. “You’re taking this too easily-” he said sobbing, choking on his tears again.
“He killed Peter and twelve innocent Muggles tonight, Remus.” Dumbledore said softly. “Peter went after him. There were witnesses. They all say they saw Peter corner Sirius. And that it all happened in mere seconds… that he raised up his wand arm and blew up half the street.”
“Anything could have happened!” Remus cried out in defence.
He could not believe it. Would not believe it. This was impossible. Simply impossible.
“Albus, you know how ignorant Muggles can be when it comes to magic.” He pleaded “And how are they going to do that in trial? Take those unknowing Muggles to the Ministry, use them for this and erase their memory?”
“Their minds have already been erased on the spot, right after their testimonies.”
“But if there’s no one left who remembers anything of it, how are they going to sue him?”
“There will be no trial.” Dumbledore answered directly.
“What?!”
“Remus, be reasonable... The witnesses shared what they saw with the members of the Magical Law Enforcement Squad right on the spot where it happened. The dead and wounded Muggles were right in front of them and the few fragments that were left of Peter were at Sirius’ feet… who was still standing there-”
“To tell them what really happened!”
“He let them take him away without a struggle. He said nothing to defend himself…” Dumbledore confessed. “He must have hoped for Voldemort to get him out of this. How wrong he was…”
Remus broke down.
“He is probably already in a cell in Azkaban by now.” Dumbledore said softly. “Where he can hurt no one else. You are safe, Remus…”

Remus’ knees buckled. Dumbledore hurried over to support him and help the sobbing figure back into the chair. Dumbledore let him cry. Losing these people by treason and murder was a great, great loss for the Order, but he could not imagine the pain Remus must be feeling. He knew that even now he still had to bring him the good news, they had to support him and help him, or else he would not make it on his own.
As the wicked truth dawned on Remus, he could not let his mind believe it. This disbelieve kept stabbing him, wounding his sanity. A nightmare had come true but there was no waking up from it. He cried and he cried. It seemed to last for hours. But nothing lessened the pain in his heart. Compared to this pain, transforming to a werewolf seemed like a cut in his finger.

Dumbledore sat patiently by his side, resting a hand on his shoulder. Waiting for the right time to speak again. But it was not him that spoke first. After a long time Remus lifted his tear stained face out of his hands and looked at Dumbledore.
“Is Harry okay?” he said weakly.
Dumbledore smiled soothingly.
“Harry is just fine. He survived the attack with merely a cut on his forehead.” Dumbledore seemed to lighten up a bit. Remus did not understand this.
“Could Voldemort not find him?”
“Yes, he could. And he did. But when he tried to kill the boy, something odd must have happened.”
Remus frowned weakly but let Dumbledore speak this time.
“The Dementors are retreating and the spyglasses are coming at ease. Tons of Voldemort´s victims are washing into St.Mungo’s and the Ministry of Magic right this moment, all freed from the endless chains of the Imperius Curse. It appears something that happened tonight in Godric’s Hollow destroyed Voldemort.”
Remus tried to swallow away his tears.
“You mean he is gone?”
“It seems like it, yes. Our world is already celebrating.”
Remus knew this was great news. Everyone had waited for this for so long. So many years they had fought for this fine moment of freedom. But still it seemed insignificant. All his life he had wished, hoped and prayed for this to happen. But not at the cost of his friends. And now it had happened, he had no one left to share it with. It seemed so unimportant. And if he could make a selfish wish, he would have wished for this night to be undone.
“Frank and Alice took care of the bodies… James and Lily will get an honourable funeral within a few days. Also Peter will be honoured and will receive an Order of Merlin. Of course, you can help arrange it all in an extend you wish to. It is the least we can do for you at this point.” Dumbledore said softly.
“Thank you… Is there any chance I can see them before they-” he tried to force back some tears again.
“Yes, you can. You are welcome at the Longbottoms whenever you wish.”
“Thank you…” even those two words of gratitude seemed to hold no meaning to Remus.
He would go and see them tonight, but he knew nothing would be able to take the knife out of his heart.
“I have to leave now, Remus.” Dumbledore said, standing up.
Remus made to stand up too.
“No, please. I will let myself out. You can contact us whenever you want. Security is being lifted off the Floo Network, so all of us are to be reached at any time.”
Dumbledore gave him one last encouraging squeeze in the shoulder and left. As the door closed, Remus broke down again. They had fought for years. But to him it was all in vein.

*

Screams. Agonising screams in his head. A nightmare filled with screams. The screams of strangers mingled with screams of himself.
A nasty stench penetrated his nose and the cold he felt did not only come from the floor or the draft. There was a cold inside himself.
Something hurt on his head. He weakly pulled his arm from under his limb body and felt his head. Blood was trickling out of a wound on his scalp. Suddenly a flash of dead, torn, crushed and bloody corpses infiltrated his mind.
When he realised he was lying on a cold, dirty floor, he weakly tried to lift himself up. Suddenly a flash of a dodgy alley crashed in.
Sirius paused his attempt to get up, realising the screams were not just in his dream, but also in his waking state. Another flash of the alley. Reality started dawning on him. The image of the alley stayed. Peter’s face appeared. ‘It was your idea!’
Sirius’ breath was unsteady. ‘It was your idea!’
He feverishly started to look around him, realising were he was. Realising what happened. The walls started closing in on him, knocking the air out of his lungs.
‘They trusted you to do this!’
Everything started spinning. He grabbed for his head. “Shut up!”
‘They trusted you to do this! You betrayed James and Lily!’
“I DID NOT!” he yelled.
‘You betrayed James and Lily!’ repeated in his head. It was driving him crazy.
“SHUT UP! SHUT UP!”
A rattling noise approached him, making the screams nearby grow louder. As he looked up towards the end of the cell, two cloaked, rotting figures grabbed the bars and started sucking away the little oxygen around him. The images that followed were nothing compared to his worst nightmare. A recollection of every agonising memory he ever made, hitting him all at once. He screamed, digging his nails in his head. Just like in physical pain, it got too much and he passed out.

Again the screams woke him up. A vicious circle of hell. Again, the alley flashed by. Peter’s face, corpses everywhere. Only this time his thoughts suddenly rested on one image that obviously hurt the most. James and Lily. Dead on the lawn.
“No…” his voice was weak and all he could muster to say was “No…”
‘They are dead.’ that devilish voice in his mind said. The voice then changed into the voice of his father, ‘Why are you crying?! Crying makes you weak! STOP CRYING!’ then it turned back to Peter’s voice, ‘You betrayed James and Lily!’
He screamed and screamed. But no one would help him. There would only be nightmares and screams.

*

He started to panic. The pain in his hand was becoming too much and it hurt to hold his wand.
But yet again he put his wand to the burn on his left wrist. It hurt, but nothing happened. Every attempt to call upon the Dark Lord had been in vein so far. Peter was pacing up and down in an abandoned corner of a park. It was already past midnight.
‘Why is he not responding? Even if it would be in vain, he would show up and punish me. Why isn’t he coming?!’ he kept thinking, constantly stalking his own foot prints.
Then, he noticed something in the sky. Something odd. Owls were flying over every now and then. Lots of them. All of them baring notes, flying from one part of the city to the other. He was getting desperate for reaction of his own kind and so in a reflex he shot down one of the owls. The animal landed somewhere in a bush nearby. He hurried over to it and tore the letter from the animals paw. Quickly hurrying back to the corner of the park, he unrolled the scroll. He could just barely read it by the light of the closest lantern.

‘Dear Granny,

I know, as you are a Muggle, you don’t receive the Wizarding papers, so I am writing you to let you know that a miracle happened tonight! The Potters, a famous Wizarding family had a son last year and some magical ability in this boy finished You-Know-Who off! War is over! We are celebrating now, but Mum and I will visit you tomorr- ’

Peter crumpled up the paper with shaking hands and threw it away. As the contents of the letter made clear to him what had happened, his legs could no longer bare his weight. He slumped to the ground and started sobbing.
‘What did I do?’ he asked himself.
“What did I do?!” his cry could have been hurt everywhere in the park. He continued crying. Thinking of a way to fix this, but there was no fixing. For a split second he thought about going to Remus. They could always go to Remus when they had something on their mind. But when Peter realised that was not a reasonable option after what he had done, he started to feel really lost. He was a traitor and a murderer. And all for nothing. No reward. No honour and no life. He was dead to the world… And there was no returning from the dead. If the other Death Eaters would find out he was responsible for all this, they would not rest until they would find him. He was dead to the world… and dead he might as well stay forever.

*

The rain pored down on the black umbrella’s that covered the graveyard. Almost all people there were from the Order. Then there were some people they knew from school, family of Peter’s and people that knew the Potters of their bravery that just came to show their respect. Remus looked at them all in silence, soft sobs could be heard everywhere.
There was also a baby crying. The baby was being held by a woman standing completely in the back of the graveyard. The thin woman, totally covered and veiled in black was trying to silence the child, not planning on being noticed. Remus had peace with it. He took a deep breath and turned to the piece of parchment he held in his shaking hands. When he started to speak, his voice was trembling;

The lump in his throat barely let him finish his poem before the tears rolled down his eyes. Minerva, who was standing close to him, quickly gave her umbrella to Hagrid and walked up to Remus to hold him.
“That was beautiful.” she whispered in his ear with a shaking voice.
Then she led him to the table with Peter’s picture on it and the Order of Merlin. Rain was streaming down the glass frame, already soaking the picture it held, making the colours fade. He put the poem down on the table. Then he walked over to the graves. There he put down a white lily flower on each James’ and Lily’s coffin.
After a minute he looked up to take one last glance at Harry, but the woman had already left. Leaving Remus to stare to all that he had left. Nothing.

*

I love you
How much?
Till eternity